Re-marriage needs patience, support to work, therapist says

More than 60 percent of re-marriages end in divorce, according to Elizabeth Einstein…. More than 60 percent of re-marriages end in divorce, according to Elizabeth Einstein.

Einstein, a marriage and family therapist, author, lecturer and educator on stepfamily relationships, spoke about re-marriage issues last Thursday evening and held a workshop last Friday, both in the William Pitt Union.

Einstein said most people are not truly prepared for re-marriage, and as a result, they develop goals that are completely unrealistic.

Stepfamilies typically take about four to seven years to completely function, she said. Einstein explained the process of completing the “Stepfamily Journey” with a few helpful hints.

According to Einstein, it is important for families to remember that problems are predictable and normal. Getting adjusted to a new life takes time, and families should expect some rough periods. It is important to support improvement, keep a sense of humor and build trust in the stepfamily, she said.

Einstein spoke about the adjustment that many children must go through when a parent re-marries. She gave tips to parents to help their children adjust to their new lives. These included not fighting in front of them, telling them that it’s okay to still love both parents and regularly telling them that their parents love them.

“The difference between failure and success has a lot to do with the support that families give themselves,” Einstein said. She encouraged families to go to counseling and to take advantage of the massive amounts of reading material available to help stepfamilies.

The holidays can be a crazy and stressful time for stepfamilies. Einstein suggested that families plan ahead, be flexible, lower expectations, honor realities, respect loyalties and be creative.

“If you start thinking negatively and that you can’t do this, you will fail,” Einstein added.

Her visit was sponsored by Pitt’s School of Social Work, the Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic, and the Pittsburgh chapters of the Stepfamily Association of America.