Station Square’s Fright Fest disappoints

Looking for a good way to be scared out of your mind? Then don’t head to Station Square…. Looking for a good way to be scared out of your mind? Then don’t head to Station Square.

‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ Yes, you’ve been bombarded with advertisements on television, radio and in newspapers about the Halloween festivities taking place down at ‘Station Scare,’ but don’t buy into the hype. The attractions they boast at the price they charge definitely don’t measure up to renting a scary movie at Blockbuster and watching it alone in the dark.

‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ First, let’s talk about the price. Six dollars just to park? Are you kidding? Six dollars will pay for that scary movie rental, plus a box of Junior Mints. You think, well, maybe she’s being too harsh. After all, this is the premiere Halloween attraction whose terrifying attributes I’ve been hearing about relentlessly from every type of media available.

‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ So you park your car and head to the box office, salivating at the thought of being scared witless. That’s when you realize that you’re expected to shell out another $13 to get into the huge tent that’s been set up, which doesn’t look remotely warm on a chilly October night. But you already paid $6 to park and you’re intent on having a horrifyingly good time, so you part with your hard-earned cash.

‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ Once inside, you come to a horrible realization — this isn’t Station Scare. This is a time machine that has suddenly transported you back to those wonderfully awkward days of mid-adolescence. Everywhere you turn, you’re surrounded by bratty high school teenagers — guys in letterman jackets with spiked hair and backwards visors and girls wearing practically nothing in 40-degree weather who could give the people running the attractions a decent challenge for scariness based on the sheer quantity of black eyeliner they have meticulously smeared around their eyes.

‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ There are three attractions to choose from — a haunted maze, a house of phobias and your standard haunted house. And then there are the lines — be prepared to spend at least an hour, if not more, in line for each of these ‘scary’ attractions. I wouldn’t think twice about bringing a 5-year-old to any of these, because they’re just that lame.

‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ The whole scene is reminiscent of a shoddy carnival whose owners decided earlier in the day they wanted to throw together something scary for Halloween. There’s plenty of standard fair food — elephant ears, hot dogs, lemonade, etc. There are also plenty of game booths, including a ‘Dunk the Clown’ booth with a guy rivaling Gilbert Gottfried for most annoying voice and laugh in the world. There’s even a tattoo booth, if you decide you absolutely have to get tatted up in a rickety aluminum cube.

‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ Station Square is a complete letdown for all of the thrill-seekers in the world. If your aim this Halloween is to attend a kick-ass haunted attraction, consider yourself warned — you’re wasting your time and money by heading down to ‘Station Scare.’