We want to wait until marriage, but we aren’t monks

Dear Sex N’at:

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost two years now and both… Dear Sex N’at:

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost two years now and both want to remain abstinent until marriage; even if we do end up with each other. We’ve had quite a bit of fun with oral and handjobs, but frankly, it starts to get a little old. What kind of things would you recommend for us to keep up the excitement and pleasure?

-Horny and Abstinent

Dear Horny:

Boy, it seems only horny folks are sending in questions these days. I wonder if I’ll ever get a question from “Satiated and Swell.” Oh, wait, what the hell would someone like that need me for?

Two years of abstinence, eh? I think, in the truest sense of the word, yinz aren’t quite abstinent; you two are having a wonderful, intercourse-free sex life – which is great. It’s highly unlikely that anyone’s going to get knocked up until they want to, and waiting until marriage to introduce even the possibility of baby-ness is very noble. That said, you do know you aren’t entirely out of the woods in terms of STD transmission, right? It’s possible to transmit oral gonorrhea, strep, and some varieties of herpes through unprotected oral sex. If you have any doubts, get tested, and use dental dams until the results come back.

Okay, all public service announcements aside, let’s get down to the business of spicing up your sex life … yum.

Girlfriend girl is making out like a bandit – your oral or manual stimulation of her body is probably far more clitorally oriented than intercourse would be, so she’s probably having great orgasms constantly. Vaginal sex creates different sensations from clitoral stimulation.

Let’s say vaginal orgasms, those seldom-seen, semi-mythological creatures, are acoustic rock. Clitoral orgasms are crank-it-up-to-eleven, hard rockin’, Headbanger’s Ball explosions. You’ve seen them, I presume? She probably loses control of herself, however briefly, and has a slightly drugged feeling afterward – like she’s stoned on her own sex chemicals.

Guess what? If you give her a moment to collect herself, she can go on and on and on. So here’s a quick, easy spicer-upper: see how many times you can make her orgasm at one time. Lay some bets on it. Get creative in your wagers. I don’t need to tell you what to put on the line.

Since you’ve been together so long and respect one another enough to keep to your abstinence decision, you are prime candidates for exploring the fine arts of bondage and discipline, as well as role-playing.

These slightly darker sides of sexuality require a great degree of trust. You can plumb each other’s hidden desires without fear of embarrassing yourselves, and you can do so with a minimum of psychological damage.

The most important things are to establish concrete boundaries beforehand, and to agree on a “safe word.” For instance, maybe she thinks she’d like you to chase her around and pull up her skirt. In this case, yelling, “Stop, stop it, oh stop, you brute!” may be part of the fantasy. But what if she really wants you to stop? If you’ve agreed before things get hectic, she can murmur “lutefisk” and you’ll know all systems are not go, and you can stop before she gets truly upset.

Do you share your fantasies with her? Maybe you’ve always gotten off on the idea of surrendering complete control to her – or your high school English teacher, or the mail carrier, or anyone else. Why not do it? Let her tie your hands behind your back, blindfold you, and have her way with you. All you need is a couple of neckties and some imagination. While visual stimulation is a huge part of sexuality, being deprived of it from time to time is so unusual that it’s a kick – and you can imagine the stimulation as coming from anyone your heart – or any other part – desires.

With a little imagination, you two can be anyone you want. Be a detective “interrogating” her. Be her slave, taking her every command. If you both agree on it, nothing is too freaky.

Take some time to discover your hidden desires. Rent a couple porns and figure out what turns you on the most. I’d recommend “Miscreants” or “Taboo 2” – or check out some specialty titles. There are a lot of oral-only films out there – consider it a sexy research project.

And, for the love of Pete, get yourselves a good dildo or five.

Ladies, don’t be shy! Melissa Meinzer, despite not being a medical or psychological professional, knows you have some questions, too. Send her one at sex@pittnews.com.