Richard Simmons looks for chemistry in the Strip

Sitting at the bar of Fuel and Fuddle a few days ago, I was having a conversation with a… Sitting at the bar of Fuel and Fuddle a few days ago, I was having a conversation with a friend about nothing in particular. At one point, I mentioned Richard Simmons, ’80s health guru extraordinaire and creator of the “Sweatin’ to the Oldies” series, in a sort of joking way, and we laughed before moving on to the next topic.

But a few minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I swiveled around on the bar stool to see a woman standing behind me, asking, “Do you like Richard Simmons?”

I don’t think I have to tell anybody that talking about Richard Simmons, or, rather, being asked if you’re a fan of the man, isn’t exactly normal bar conversation.

Even though the woman that asked me if I liked Simmons followed that up with something along the lines of “Do you sweat to the oldies?,” she had a reason for asking me about the fitness magnate.

According to her and the man she was with, Richard Simmons was spotted at Club Chemistry, a dance club in the Strip District, by their own four eyes, sweating to the sounds of the ’80s music that the club plays, two Saturdays ago.

It bears reiteration – Richard Simmons was at a club in Pittsburgh. Imagine the shock you’d feel if you saw this guy dancing the way the woman at Fuel said he was: intensely, maybe grinding, in a section of the club where there’s a handrail, his legs darting and flailing about. Then compound that shock with that of going over to talk to him, like this woman and her guy-friend claimed to have done, and finding out that not only is this, in fact, Richard Simmons, but he comes to the club on a regular basis.

Needless to say, I was flabbergasted. The woman and her companion talked a little more about their encounter with Simmons before moving on to talking about Club Chemistry and then the ’80s in general – a topic I will talk about whenever, wherever, with whomever. It was an interesting run-in, odd, to say the least, but interesting nonetheless. Plus, it was nice to have a conversation with people who share the same enthusiasm for the decade of excess as I do – these strangers were as excited hearing about my recent purchase of a Member’s Only jacket as I was when I bought it.

But I would be lying if I said the notion of Richard Simmons prowling the club scene in the Strip District didn’t gnaw at my mind the rest of that night and through most of the next day.

Maybe the woman was telling a tall tale. Maybe she met someone who looked like Richard Simmons and, when she approached the poser, he fed her and her guy friend a line. Or maybe she did see him and did have a conversation with him and he does, in fact, go clubbing in the Strip District on a regular basis. It’s possible. I haven’t seen him on any television programs recently, and, to my knowledge, he hasn’t released any new fitness tapes in a while.

What if it was him that was at Club Chemistry? Could Pittsburgh be turning into a haven for – dare I say – washed-up ’80s stars? Hell, we have a Boy George Day here. It’s true. City Council declared Oct. 1 Boy George Day three years ago when the former lead singer of Culture Club came to play a show here. He was given the honor of having a day of his own in Pittsburgh because he got his act together and kicked the drug habit. Search the Post-Gazette’s Web site for “Boy George” and you’ll find the story.

But if, in fact, da ‘Burgh is becoming a place where ’80s stars are making a place for themselves, maybe city leaders can run with that for a way to market our city.

“Pittsburgh: Karaoke to your favorite ’80s song with the one-hit wonder who performed it!”

Here’s what I propose: Any regulars of Club Chemistry, or any club in the city, keep an eye out for Richard Simmons. If you can, smuggle a camera into the club and get your picture taken with him, or take a picture of him, whatever works. Send it to me at The Pitt News and, together, we’ll get to the bottom of this Case of the Clubbing Richard Simmons.

It might turn out to be a hoax, taking its place alongside Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster. But it might turn out to be legit.