Real strippers don’t make “easy money”

Dear Sex N’at:

I’m running out of money and I’m used to having a lot of it. My parents are… Dear Sex N’at:

I’m running out of money and I’m used to having a lot of it. My parents are getting sick of me constantly asking for more. I need a lot of money – I like nice clothes and going out. I’m having a hard time adjusting to living in dorms, sharing crappy bathrooms and not having my car. So I need a job. I don’t want to do telemarketing or ask, “Do you want fries with that?” I’m pretty cute, and I’ve been seeing these ads in the back section of some newspapers saying I can make a ton of easy money at gentlemen’s clubs. Do you think I should do it?

Sick of Being Poor

Dear Sick:

So, Miss Hot Thang, you can’t stand being poor, but your definition of poor means communal bathrooms and – gasp – taking public transportation to go spend Mommy and Daddy’s money at Banana Republic? Aw, boo-freakin-hoo. I’m guessing that, along with your ghastly dorm, you have a meal plan, right? And you brought some of last season’s Prada line to school? Meaning, in reality, you don’t need a damn dime. So if Mommy and Daddy’s monetary infusions aren’t doing it for you, perhaps you ought to take a look at your own consumption habits and redefine the terms “need” and “want” in your personal lexicon.

Apparently, you are above what we commoners like to call “work.” You don’t have a degree yet, which means any job you get is going to be more on the crappy end of the continuum. There is no shame in honest work – especially for someone as privileged as you, who’s on her way to being able to go for the kind of jobs folks from poor families will likely never get the chance to apply for.

Most gentlemen’s clubs are fine, upstanding institutions of boobie-viewing and lap dancing. Skilled strippers are artists – they may train in dance for years. Some Miss Cutie-Come-Lately such as yourself will probably be unbelievably outclassed in terms of ability and won’t get the job. There’s way more to stripping than shaking your cute ass. And if you do get the job because you are young and cute, it’s likely the kind of shady club where you’ll find yourself in situations you don’t want to be in.

Few quality clubs would ever put their dancers in a situation where they’d be propositioned for anything illegal without immediate action taken by an enormous and dedicated bouncer. But clubs that hire “dancers” based purely on cuteness, youth and naivete? Don’t count on any protection in a place like that.

And if you do get a job at a classy club? That’s not “easy money.” Good strippers are athletes who work long, late hours and get leered at by men old enough to be their grandfathers. Don’t insult actual strippers by saying they make easy money – until you’ve walked a mile in their thigh-high stiletto boots, that is.

Many strippers are hard-working single mothers making a living the best way they can. It’s unlikely they’d take kindly to a snob like you, someone on her way to a lucrative, white-collar job – the kind many of them would rather be doing, had they been handed the opportunities you seem to have been. And the kind of jobs money-hungry, well-dressed, spoiled brats like you want to go for? They don’t generally like to hire ex-strippers.

I’d like fries with that, please.

Melissa Meinzer is not a medical or psychological professional. Ask her a question at sex@pittnews.com.