Cultivate a stable of stallions for gratification

Dear Sex N’at,

I have a problem. I like sex. In fact, I like it a lot. I would like to have… Dear Sex N’at,

I have a problem. I like sex. In fact, I like it a lot. I would like to have more of it, but am unable to do so for a couple of reasons. I don’t want a boyfriend, and I do not want to have random sex with random partners. When I find someone I think I might like to have sex with, they tell me they need to be in a relationship, are not ready or are (gasp) a virgin. I masturbate a lot, but right now, it just isn’t enough; I miss having another person involved. What do you suggest I do?

Lonely in the bedroom

Dear Lonely:

Wait, liking sex is a problem? Uh uh, girlfriend. Liking sex is great; it’s a sign of life – don’t let anyone ever tell you differently. I’ll bet you can’t go to a lot of your friends with this concern, lest they place a scarlet “S,” for “slut,” on you. That’s bull. Just because you don’t want a relationship doesn’t mean you have to become best pals with your vibrator. I mean, you should be pals with him (does he have a name?) anyway, but he’ll understand that you need variety.

On to getting you laid.

You don’t need to be in a Relationship, but you do need to be in a relationship – or relationships. As in, you need to have a level of trust and perhaps friendship – at least a level of courtesy in terms of booty-call etiquette – with the men you are going to put in your stable of stallions.

You need to cultivate a stable of eligible sets of genitals, and you need an understanding with the boys attached to them. As long as everyone involved is quite sure of the parameters of the lower-case “r” relationship, it’s fine. Find a few gorgeous boys and explain to them right off the bat that you just want a friendly, booty-call basis for friendship – no more, no less.

Insist that they get tested for sexually transmitted infections, and insist that they wear condoms. You aren’t going to be monogamous, so you can’t expect them to be, and thus their clean bills of health aren’t necessarily going to be permanent.

Come up with some protocol. For instance, you have to agree beforehand not to get upset if one of you shoots the other down on a given occasion. We are, after all, trying to get educations here, too, so blasted schoolwork may get in the way.

Where can you find these boys? I’d recommend against drafting all but the most mature of your male friends. When there is a pre-existing relationship, things tend to get complicated, despite the best of intentions.

Do you have any exes you had fantastic sex with? If you are over each other, there’s no reason not to enlist one another for the occasional – and I stress occasional, lest old emotions bubble back up and ruin everything – hot session of ex-sex. After all, you probably know each other’s turn-ons fairly well.

Boys in bars tend to respond well to women asking to be their boy-toy, but that has the potential for grossness. With guys like this, I’d recommend an advanced screening process. Don’t go home with anyone while drunk. Do get phone numbers and make lunch-date interviews with them. Then, if they meet your criteria, draft ’em.

Why do virgins make you gasp? I mean, they should make you gasp, but in a good way. Don’t ever write off a boy with a short resume. With just a little time, love and tenderness, you can train such a boy into a dynamo. You can teach him everything from scratch. Longtime Lotharios tend to be set in their ways, which may have been determined by the first girl to have ever given them the time of day. But virgins? What could be better for a girl who wants gratification than a blank slate to impose her will upon?

Expend some effort with a virgin. Your body, and that of every girl after you, will thank you heartily.

Melissa Meinzer may not be a sexual or psychological professional, but she has three vibrators, all with names. Ask her a question at sex@pittnews.com.