Come on and ride the train – the metro train

Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, metrosexual. Metrosexual?

Metrosexuality is the latest… Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, metrosexual. Metrosexual?

Metrosexuality is the latest addition to the “sexuals.” While the origin of the term dates back to 1994, it hasn’t come into frequent use until recently. It made its way into the 2003 edition of Webster’s Millennium Dictionary of English, which I can’t seem to find anywhere in the area and is only available online to paying customers.

However, oodles of different definitions for the term can be found on the Internet.

According to www.wordspy.com, a metrosexual is “A dandyish narcissist in love with not only himself, but also his urban lifestyle; a straight man who is in touch with his feminine side.”

VH1’s new show, “Totally Gay,” has definitions online to help those who aren’t quite up to speed with the lingo. According to the lexicon, a metrosexual is “A highly style-conscious urban male with an expanded sense of masculinity.”

In a July 9 column in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, columnist Samantha Bennett says of a stereotypical metrosexual: “He is young, urban, desperately hip and has lots of money to spend on himself. He uses expensive moisturizers on his skin, takes his hair to a salon, not a barber shop, and likely has it colored, and he passionately follows fashion.”

Basically, to be a metrosexual, you must be a straight male living in an urban setting and do things to alter or improve your appearance that have been deemed “feminine,” without thinking about the monetary consequences. No longer can you assume a man is gay because he’s at the table next to you in a nail salon, getting a manicure. The term “pretty boy” now applies to gay and straight people alike.

David Beckham is a metro. Brad Pitt is a metro. Hell, Tobey Maguire’s Spiderman was a very metrosexual being, according to an article on Salon.com.

Recently, one of the guys I used to date buffed up and shaved his chest hair. As hot as he was before, he’s damn smoking now. If only my boyfriend would travel that road.I’m not saying Buff Boy is a true metrosexual, although he is comfortable admitting that he would have sex with a certain male rock god if the opportunity presented itself. He’s merely displaying a few qualities possessed by metrosexuals.

Now, before I begin raving about how cool the metrosexual is and why, let me say this: Ladies, I know not all of you put painstaking time and money into your appearance. Some of you may not need to in order to be the beautiful creatures that you are. Others just don’t feel the need to succumb to the pressures of vanity and prefer the au naturel look.

I fall somewhere in the middle. I am quick to put myself together, but, as Amy Smart’s character in “Varsity Blues” says, “It costs a lot of money to look cheap.”

My hair is highlighted, my nails are fake, I’ve had braces, work out daily and I go tanning. All of these things have vastly improved my appearance, and if you don’t believe me, I’ll gladly show you a picture of myself before any of these things occurred.

There is a reason that gay guys are some of the hottest guys out there. On “Totally Gay,” someone stated that metros are straight guys doing things that were previously viewed as activities done by gay men.

Imagine, then, how much hotter some guys could be if they followed in the paths of the metrosexual. I see nothing wrong with a boy with highlights. Nor do I see any problems with a sun-kissed god in the middle of winter. A six-pack is way sexier than a beer gut, let me tell you. Who wants to be caressed by rough hands full of hangnails and dirt under their nails?

How nice would it be if you didn’t have to drag your boyfriend to the mall with you, only to have him moan and complain the whole time? The pleasure would grow exponentially if he had some fashion sense; if he could tell you that those pants are so yesterday, or if you look like a model in that dress, while he, too, is dressed to kill.

It would be so great to bond with my boyfriend over ice cream and pedicures, much like girls do with each other.

There’s nothing at all wrong with a man displaying feminine behavior. Girls slug down beers, fix flat tires and watch full-contact sports – it’s their own form of reversed metrosexuality, if you will.

Perhaps the various [insert prefix here]-sexuals are on their way to meshing together as one. Until then, guys shouldn’t hesitate to travel the metrosexual road and pretty themselves up – just make sure you return my nail polish, please.