After an ill-advised e-mail, he’s facing a weird semester

Dear Sex N’ at:

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year now and the sex has been fantastic…. Dear Sex N’ at:

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year now and the sex has been fantastic. I know he’s experimented with stuff like bondage and role-play before – he’s much more experienced than me. I’d like to try that stuff too, but I’ve never done anything like that before and it’s hard for me to bring up. I’m kinda shy to begin with, and I’m not too experienced with sex. Plus, growing up in a Muslim house didn’t help my sexual development at all. I’ve only been able to be a sexual creature since I came to Pitt. Most people would say, “Oh, just explore your fantasies.” But I’ve never really had any of those fantasies! Stuff like that has always been off-limits in my world. But I want to learn! I’ve mentioned it to him before and basically said, “Lead the way.” But so far, nothing. I figured he’d open up once I said I was interested. I guess this is a hard thing for people to bring up on either side. Like I said, the sex has been great, so it’s not like I’ve got anything to really complain about, but I think things could really take off in a way I’ve never even dreamed about. What do you think?

Haifa

Dear Haifa:

Sounds like you are in a perfect position to begin expanding your sexual horizons. You have a healthy sexual curiosity and someone you trust to explore it with. All you need are some options.

Here’s a fun secret. All boys like porn. The idea of looking at porn with the woman they love, and love to make love to, appeals to them all, secretly or overtly. So surprise your man with some videos or magazines next time you know you’ll be alone and enjoying some of that fantastic sex. Get a few different types and see what you react to strongly. Tell your boyfriend what you like, and say you’d like to try it.

The intoxicating combo of porn and a willing, curious girlfriend is a surefire way to get him to lead the way and share some of that experience.

Dear Sex N’ at:

I was at a party two weekends ago and ended up hooking up with a girl that I had just met in one of my classes. Several problems resulted. First, during the sexing itself, she dug her nails so deep into my back that I actually bled slightly. I knew she was being a little rough while we were going at it, but I didn’t know how to tell her to stop. Once I sobered up, the gash marks I had were borderline ridiculous. Second, ever since then, she’s been awkward with me in class (we work in a group of five on different projects.) And it’s not even that she feels awkward toward me – it’s that she thinks I feel awkward toward her. I can’t convince her otherwise. And third, I got extremely drunk last Thursday night and tried to call her for a booty call. Thankfully, she wasn’t home. But then, after Saturday’s football game, I got home and, trashed again, e-mailed her an e-mail that was so dirty I’m embarrassed to have written it – basically an electronic booty-call. She hasn’t responded. So I’m wounded, in an awkward situation, and making it worse every time I get beer in my system. Any advice?

Sex-Crazed Raging Alcoholic Teen, Calling Her, E-mailing Desires

Dear SCRATCHED:

Ooh, a violent, drunken hookup! She sounds like a keeper! At least you know “the sexing” was scintillating enough for her to make you bleed. Consider that a vote of confidence in your abilities.

Basically, you both screwed up and it’s going to be weird for the rest of the semester. She’s probably creeped out by having made you bleed – finding pieces of someone’s back under your fingernails after a drunken session can be a bit unsettling. She’s also probably none too pleased with your electronic booty call. Since she didn’t respond, she doesn’t want to be your FTF – friend that, well, you know. You need to cut that crap out. Lose her number and forget her address.

Do you really believe she’s not feeling awkward toward you? C’mon. She’s awkward, all right. How is she supposed to look you in the eye and talk about your calculus problems knowing the filth that you think about her – not to mention the scars she knows you have?

If you really can’t stand the weirdness in class, pull her aside afterward, alone, and say, “Look, I’m sorry for being a drunken tool. We have to work together all semester, so let’s try to be civil. I won’t e-mail you again.” It probably won’t work, but at least you’ll have tried, and you can let yourself off the hook.

Melissa Meinzer – not a medical or psychological professional – swears she’s not getting kickbacks from the porn industry. Send her a question at sex@pittnews.com.