The Real Pitt – Bouquet Gardens

Martha Stewart would not be proud.

In this Pitt apartment, with its Pitt furniture and Pitt… Martha Stewart would not be proud.

In this Pitt apartment, with its Pitt furniture and Pitt girls, Pitt decor takes over.”She doesn’t decorate,” Molly says about her roommate, Jessica, “She decorates with trash.”

In fact, they all decorate with trash.

Usually, the living room-kitchen hybrid houses more empty Pepsi bottles, yellowing, foot-long cucumbers and tampons than actual living humans, but not tonight.

Tonight, the browning apple cores are pushed aside to make room for fondue. The acrid smells, wafting from half-consumed Starbucks’ beverages and out of the garlic-garnished fridge are masked by brownies bubbling in the oven.

Maybe, just maybe, Moira, Kiran, Jessica and Molly might have more in common with Martha than they’d originally thought.

“This [fondue] seems really thick,” Moira comments over the stove, where Eddie’s Swiss cheese is cooking its way into culinary greatness. “It looks like snot.”

Maybe not.

But these Pitt girls don’t care, because tonight is “Tuuuuuuesday” night, and they are waiting with bated breath for, strangely enough, the ten-thirty, and not the Ten Spot on MTV [The Real World].

“I started the ‘The Newlyweds’ obsession,” Kiran says, as she sits her “Property of Guess” butt in the middle of the sofa.

Who knew that the marriage of Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson could bring eight girls together into a small living room, undecorated except for four rectangular mirrors and The Pitt News clipping of their Real Pitt debut?

Insanity ensues, screams of “She’s ironing! She’s ironing!” and loud laughter, mostly Moira’s, can be heard throughout the halls as girls fall into pieces over Simpson’s inability to open her garage doors.

Let’s remember, though, that roommate Jessica couldn’t figure out how to open the downstairs door from her bedroom.

“How does this thing work?” Jessica says through the speaker outside.

Maybe she should have her own reality TV show. Wait a minute…

As the show ends, and the girls begin to see the bottom of the fondue pot, out come Molly’s custom-made Twix brownies, still hot, on which Kelly, one of the Bouquet Gardens regulars, burns herself.

“We thought you were smart,” Moira says. “You’re a bioengineer!”

“That has nothing to do with eating brownies,” Kelly replies.

Really?