A “Worthless” debut attempt

Shortie

Worthless Smiles

Go Big Records

Have you…

Shortie

Worthless Smiles

Go Big Records

Have you listened to the radio lately? Have you noticed how all the bands sound exactly alike? Have you noticed how sometimes things get so bad that you confuse bands for one another? Shortie may very well be part of a commission designed to proliferate this similarity. With their debut LP, Worthless Smiles, Shortie proves they were probably kings of the karaoke clubs, singing everybody else’s songs and sounding just like them.

A quick glance at Worthless Smiles’ cover art immediately hints at the band’s lack of originality. The Talking Heads/Green Day-style censored faces have been done a million times. When you put the CD into your player, the trend continues. Huge, distorted few-chord guitar riffs greet you early and often. This might remind you slightly of Weezer, minus the Rivers Cuomo charm, until the “we must scream our lyrics because we’re an angry rock band” parts come in. That practice works if you’re System of a Down. It works if you’re Fear Factory. Shortie is neither.

If it weren’t for the brief pauses between the tracks on Worthless Smiles, you might not be able to tell when one track ends and the next begins. Half of the songs begin with similar-sounding, drawn-out, single chords. The same guitar riff seems to run through the entire album, varying by a few strings here and there. The vocals are horribly hook- or harmony-free, and the lyrics are nothing special. Basically, you get an album with 10 different takes on the same song, which wasn’t good to begin with.

For more proof of carbon-copied mediocrity, let’s examine the song titles. We have “The One,” “Getting Over You,” “Waiting” and “Kill The World,” among some of the gems. The biggest travesty comes in the form of “David Bowie,” a song that bears no similarity to the rock legend, except for having the phrase “you’re changing on me” repeated throughout. And, just for fun, it still sounds exactly like the other nine tracks.

In a world of copycats, Shortie is that really faded picture that comes after you make a copy of a copy of a copy. All this band needs is a new name. Staind Bizkit would do just fine.