Plenty to gain by watching

Last week, Joe Marchilena spoke for the members of the male population who believe Title IX… Last week, Joe Marchilena spoke for the members of the male population who believe Title IX means that women should get naked at sporting events to further equality. We all know those male streakers, with their beer guts and hairy backs, are just so attractive.

So, this week, I answer with two words: tighter pants.

Now, before I proceed, don’t get me wrong – I enjoy baseball as a sport. I do not go to baseball games just to check out the players – that is just a perk. I do understand what is going on and have been known to shut up a few drunken, male fans in my time with my knowledge of the sport.

So, with that said, if you ladies that read the sports section go to enough baseball games at PNC Park, you, too, know exactly what I am talking about. If you sit in leftfield, where you are, at times, about 10 feet away from the players, you see and hear it too.

It could be the drunken women yelling at Brian Giles for his “nice ass,” or the groups of young girls checking out the attractive field security guards. Either way, the leftfield bleachers are the place for action, and we are not just talking about the game.

Now, if you guys expect women to streak across the field, I expect the leftfielder to wear some tighter pants. He doesn’t even have to get naked. I mean, Brian, come on, we all know you have one awesome physique under that bulky uniform. Take a lesson from Dodgers’ leftfielder Brian Jordan and show off.

You shouldn’t have to be bending for a baseball for the girls to be able to check you out. Jordan lets it all hang out, so to speak. His uniform is so tight you can see his muscles ripple when he moves. There isn’t much more of a sexy sight than that.

Some other reasons to sit in leftfield include the Mets’ Cliff Floyd, the Braves’ Chipper Jones and, believe it or not, the Diamondbacks’ Luis Gonzalez. I have caught all three of these outfielders checking us ladies out while we are sitting in leftfield.

I must admit, despite receiving glances from Gonzalez and making the security guard blush, female baseball fans find a much greater joy in the leftfield bleachers.

Pre-game warm-ups are awfully fun to watch. You have Giles and Aramis Ramirez going yard and players signing autographs around the field. But the excitement occurs for fans on the leftfield line, where the young and attractive pitching staff warms up.

They stretch, they bend, they run, they throw and they wear tight pants. This is my reason for going to the ballpark 90 minutes early. Not only do they take their warm-ups seriously, but they also take time out for the fans.

I mean, Josh Fogg is seriously bending that way for me to take a picture, right? What other reason is there?

But I must admit I’ve witnessed Fogg, Mike Williams and members XYZ of the Pirates’ pitching staff sign autographs for the fans and actually hold conversations with them. I know this all too well, as my mother told Fogg that she was “so excited to meet her future son-in-law.” Yeah, I was pretty embarrassed that game.

But there is truly nothing better at a ball game, tight pants included, than to see a young kid get a ball from one of the Pirates. They just light up, making you realize what the game is truly about. Then people like me feel guilty for talking about why the players need to show off their muscular bodies more. It isn’t about streakers or tight pants; it is about fulfilling dreams and doing what you love to do.

But I still love looking at baseball players in tight pants.

Shaunna Stuck is a columnist for The Pitt News and swears that she is NOT obsessed with Josh Fogg. Nope, not at all.