Native and new: Things Pittsburghers should know

Landmarks

You can’t get lost in the ?Burgh.

When heading downtown on a bus, I… Landmarks

You can’t get lost in the ?Burgh.

When heading downtown on a bus, I usually use the Allegheny County Courthouse, which is made of huge stone blocks, as my marker. I get off at one side of the courthouse, at the Grant Street stop. Boarding a bus on the other side, on Fifth Avenue, has always gotten me back to Oakland. Moreover, the primary Pittsburgh Plate Glass building ? basically a giant, glass castle ? is the most unmistakable building I’ve ever seen, and probably the most beautiful modern one.

But these landmarks are not foolproof. So, just in case you are a fool, it’s always a good idea not to go anywhere alone. Otherwise, you’ll have no one to blame for getting you lost.

People

I grew up a fan of the Steelers, Pirates and Penguins, and have always been drawn to the city because of its sports legacy.

You shouldn’t be in Pittsburgh if you think anyone other than Mario Lemieux is the greatest hockey player ever. Sure, Wayne Gretzky amassed better stats, but did so without Hodgkin’s disease and debilitating back injuries, which troubled Lemieux.

Roberto Clemente, perhaps the greatest player in Pirates history, died in a plane crash while on a humanitarian aid mission. He could play ball, but when I was eight, he taught me what it means to be a good person.

Arnold Palmer, who was, before Tiger Woods, the one golfer known to those who knew little and cared less about golf, hails from Latrobe, a town east of Pittsburgh.

The 1970’s Steelers won four Super Bowls, the Penguins two consecutive Stanley Cups in the ?90s and the Pirates numerous championships throughout the years, but it’s the individuals that give the city a sports history to be proud of.

Weather

You might not be ready for the extra work that comes with college. My father advised me that I needed to devote three hours of studying for every hour of class I attended. So I simply attended less class when studying got rough.

But worse than the extra work is not having Mom or Dad to take care of you when you’re sick. And with Pittsburgh’s mercurial weather patterns, you may end up like I did: sick every three days. New students, dress in layers, because when the weather gets cold, the Cathedral stays at a balmy 95 degrees. You will spend the first five minutes of many classes doffing clothing and the last five minutes donning it again. It’s that, or mainline Day-Quil.

The cardinal Pittsburgh weather sin, however, belongs to those who decide not to wear jackets to parties in the winter. I guess they don’t want to ruin their outfits. I don’t know if they are trying to look attractive, but I never found stupidity particularly attractive. Nor, for that matter, is it particularly attractive when nipples are visible from space. Newcomers, don’t do that, and don’t hook up with people who do, if only for fear of sickness.

History

While some history books may have little mention of Pittsburgh, they would be remiss without including four letters: KDKA. It may be merely an AM radio station (1020 AM) or a television station (Channel 2) to some, but in 1920 it became the first radio broadcast station in history. If nothing else, remember that this is the place where instantaneous commercial communication began.

Stereotypes

I don’t know whether Pittsburgh has changed in the quarter-century since my parents lived here, or if my parents’ perceptions were horribly off-base, but my expectations of Pittsburghers were swiftly done away with when I came here.

My father used to wax poetic about how you could never find anyone as nice as those in Pittsburgh. I was expecting a Mr. Rogers on every street corner, until some lady on a street corner burned me with a cigarette and was nice enough to advise me that I should watch where I was going.

Are Pittsburghers bad people? Not at all. Expect the same mix of good and bad that you would find just about anywhere else, only more surprising. Like the time I was at a Pearl Jam concert in Mellon Arena and a pair of albinos, probably brother and sister, possibly twins, danced in time with the lyrics, rather than the beat. “Evenflow” will forever remain a comic masterpiece ? the image of the girl delivering a three-punch combination, in time with each repetition of the title, will be eternally ingrained in my mind. And at encore break, the Arena was filled with shouts of “Here we go, Steelers. Here we go!” Which seems like Pittsburgh in a nutshell. Or rather, an indoor arena.

Grass

Often, you can only find grass in Oakland from late Spring to early Fall, and even then, you’ll have no use for it unless it is warm and sunny. On such days, you’ll walk and see people on grass everywhere. But don’t worry: there will be enough grass for you. In Schenley Park ? exit the Cathedral on the Forbes Avenue and walk until you cross a bridge ? there is plenty of grass for all. If you’re not that ambitious, just stay on the Cathedral Lawn, though there will be more mud than grass. Remember to take your books, guitar or even a light meal, because there is grass ? and therefore fun ? to be had.

Marty Flaherty can be reached at mflaherty@pittnews.com