Songs so sexy, they have to work

Whether you are going to be an angel or a devil this Valentine’s Day, cheesiness is sure to… Whether you are going to be an angel or a devil this Valentine’s Day, cheesiness is sure to ensue. Cutesy teddy bears, conversation hearts that say “Hot Stuff,” whips and chains – it’s all sort of cheesy if you think about it.

With that in mind, I have compiled a collection of songs that may have made sense when they were written, but that was then – this is 2003. Angels, try and dance the night away. Devils, try to bump and grind to this without ruining the passion with a fit of laughter.

1. Bel Biv Devoe, “Do Me Baby”

When we were kids and our Swatch watches said 6 o’clock, it meant dinner time. For Bel Biv Devoe, it meant dessert.

2. Clarence Carter, “Strokin'”

Is this guy talking about knocking boots with someone else or about that coveted alone time we all need here and there?

3. Milli Vanilli, “Girl You Know It’s True”

Really anything by Milli Vanilli will do – two guys with long braids faking it in the studio is the epitome of cheesy.

4. James Brown, “Sex Machine”

The Godfather of Soul sings about every man’s wish – to be a sex machine.

5. Digital Underground, “The Humpty Dance”

Here’s your chance to bust a move to a song that ain’t about an egg falling off a wall, Angels.

6. Shai, “Freak Me Baby”

As a preteen, the first time I heard this song, I didn’t understand: Why would anyone want to get freaky by spreading whipped cream all over someone else? Ahh, nostalgia.

7. Hot Chocolate, “You Sexy Thing”

It’s a miracle and a mystery; where did the inspiration for this song come from?

8. Tom Jones, “Sex Bomb”

I can see it now: “Austin Powers in Sex Bomb” explodes in theaters/cars/bedrooms everywhere this Valentine’s Day.

9. Marvin Gaye, “Sexual Healing”

Dr. Love doesn’t prescribe an apple a day to keep the doctor away!

10. Journey, “Open Arms”

This song is more romantic than anything, but put it on a CD with the above songs, and you have got a really cheesy end to a really cheesy Valentine’s Day soundtrack.