A birthday resolution of productivity

It’s my birthday, or at least it was on Sunday when I wrote this. So I’ve been doing a bit of… It’s my birthday, or at least it was on Sunday when I wrote this. So I’ve been doing a bit of reflection lately. Figuring out where I am, where I’m going and all those other questions people bring up when they want to sound deep and tragic.

Basically, I’ve decided I need to reorganize my life. I’m calling it my birthday resolution. I’ve been happy lately but I haven’t been productive and that bothers me.

During the past few weeks, my friends have assured me that I shouldn’t worry about such things. That everyone has these problems. But company in my apathy isn’t enough to make it all right.

Gertrude Stein once said, “The only thing left for a creative artist to do is to do his chosen work in spite of everything and regardless of anything because when living draws to its end there are no excuses he can make to himself or anyone else for not having done it. Either he did do it or he did not do it and very often he did not. Alas, very often he did not.”

I may not be a creative artist yet, but I still hear Stein’s words. I respect them, know how true they are and have ignored them for far too long. Things have got to change.

I hate the feeling of waking up at 2 p.m. and knowing that other people have already gone to class, eaten, worked out and met with friends. It’s good to sleep in once in a while, but I do it far too often. I hate staying up until 3 a.m. not doing anything and then being lethargic the next day because of it. And most of all, I hate lying in bed wanting to do something and simply being too lazy to get up and act. To see myself with such a lack of self-discipline is embarrassing.

I’m not a complete slacker, though. I do get the great majority of my class work done, write this column every week and have some semblance of a social life. But I should be able to do so much more. Every night, I look back and wonder how I wasted all the hours of the day.

I want to get back to all the things I love to do. I want to get back to the gym, write stories and pick up my guitar again – it’s getting dusty. I want to be healthy again. To sleep during the night and maybe even get on a healthy diet. I’ve long believed that good food is an often overlooked but essential element to anyone’s happiness.

So this is my resolution: Starting tomorrow, I will make a conscience effort to be happy, healthy and productive. I even have a schedule of things to do.

I’m done with all this pondering and philosophizing about what’s missing in my life. It’s about time I act. What I want will become what I’m working to get and where I want to be will become where I’m traveling to.

I can’t wait! I miss how it feels to accomplish something just for me, that inward pleasure of being alone with your goal and still pushing forward to succeed.

My only fear – and this is a big one – is that I’m not as strong as I think I am. What if despite my full-fledged effort I still lack the discipline to reorganize my life? That’s a depressing thought. What if I find I don’t have the strength to become any of the things I want to be? That’s even worse.

I hope these doubts will prove unfounded in the coming weeks. If not, then at least I’ll know the truth.

Belated birthday e-cards and comments can be sent to wminton@pittnews.com.