A letter to the ladies: the top five guys to avoid while in college

You can really learn a lot in three years of college, most of which doesn’t occur in the… You can really learn a lot in three years of college, most of which doesn’t occur in the classroom. As an aged and wise junior, I have taken the liberty of composing, through my knowledge and experience, a list of the top five guys that you should avoid in college.

The Baller: This male type has not yet understood the concept of “love don’t cost a thing.” They can be found many times sporting their hooked up ride in the William Pitt Union turnaround, blasting music, to assure they are getting the attention that they so rightly deserve or shouting at females from a car on Forbes. Most often these Romeos don’t go to Pitt.

Unless you want to be the chicken this cock is searching for, I would keep walking down the street. Any man that thinks you can be bought or impressed with money does not have a very high opinion of you.

The Frat Boy: (This is excluding academic and cultural fraternities plus a few rare individuals). I can already sense the negative reader feedback piling up in my inbox, yet I must stand up for the truth. Come on girls, this one isn’t that hard, when you’re meeting a guy for the first time and he hands you a beer (or three or four), it’s not the conversation that he’s looking forward to.

According to leading sexologists, males reach their sexual prime at the age of 18. This means they think about sex every five seconds. It is common knowledge that sexual desires are only further increased through alcohol consumption. That info can only lead me to conclude that undergraduate frat boys who live in a culture that consists of alcohol are fated to be raging nymphomaniacs.

I’m sure this could be said for a high percentage of the male population, not just those belonging to frats. Yet watching any movie that has to do with college life associates frats with alcohol and drunk, loose females. A wise person once said, “Art imitates life.”

Super Senior: There are those individual cases where people switch majors, study abroad or double major and have to stay an extra semester or two. But then there are those cases where individuals just can’t let go of college life.

Here are a few key signs to see if your love interest falls under this category: if he is enrolled in the same classes as you or taking classes that you have already taken, if he still has the studying habits of a first semester, if he finds a reason to drink almost every night, or if you are a first semester freshman.

Though stupidity has never been a crime, misery loves company. Dating a slacker will inevitably rub off on you or just end up making your life even more difficult. Move on, because you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

The Athlete: I am proud to say there are a lot of down-to-earth athletes at Pitt, but sadly, not enough to outweigh the numbers that aren’t. Strolling around campus in their gray jumpsuits, the games these players play are just as hot off-season. If only I had a dollar for every time an athlete walked by and a random girl said, “There goes my baby’s daddy.” They are much like the “Frat Boys,” minus the beer gut.

Much of their behavior is caused by the lethal ingredient, testosterone. Athletes have higher levels of testosterone than the average male because of their rigorous physical activities. According to the November 2000 issue of Men’s Exercise Magazine, testosterone is the hormone that affects sexual behavior and is the juice that fuels libido.

That’s way too much mojo for just one female.

The Scrub: Alhough I am 100 percent behind women’s liberation, there is something wrong with a man who feels the need to liberate a woman every time the bill comes around.

They will try to hide under the front of the average “poor college student,” but the true scrub is of a different breed. Scrubs usually have the tendency to blow whatever cash they have on drugs, alcohol, cigarettes and Nintendo games. They would probably die of starvation if it wasn’t for their scared weekly blocks.

You would probably have a more interesting time dating Sombrero Man.

There are a few more obscure categories that I have not addressed, such as the Radical Revolutionary and the Crack Head, but I hope I have left my fellow ladies with a better understanding of how to sight these repeated offenders.

Natasha Khan would just like to thank her campus, especially the male sector, for having such a great sense of humor. She can be reached at nkhan@pittnews.com.