Last-minute Halloween suggestions

Today campus gains an extra measure of merriment. In spite of Pittsburgh’s cold, gray… Today campus gains an extra measure of merriment. In spite of Pittsburgh’s cold, gray weather, likely additions to classrooms include black hats, extra makeup and the color orange.

Studiers entering Hillman Library are likely to see various historical figures and fictitious characters masquerading as staff members. Witches and pumpkins may ask campus cafeteria diners, “block or dining?” Members of Students in Solidarity will also be seen roaming the Oakland area dressed as the Board of Trustees.

In honor of Halloween, The Pitt News has some last minute, inexpensive costume ideas for some well-known campus figures.

• Chancellor Mark Nordenberg could go as former Chancellor Wesley Posvar. This costume would entail a bow tie and a few extra pounds, but more importantly, a break from his office to meander campus to chat with concerned students.

• Shedding their black cloaks and swords, the Druids should sport some Levi’s and go to class as normal students, skipping their run through campus.

• Student Government Board members have been working on their costumes for ages. The chaos of recent meetings has reflected their plans – the SGB circus went on the road. They should get together early in the day to practice carnival tricks, and President Kevin Washo Jr. should definitely get an early start perfecting his announcer’s voice. “Laaadies and gentlemen …”

• Vice Provost and Interim Dean of Students Jack Daniel couldn’t decide whether to go as his name or simply as a cat. So, he decided to consolidate – a practice he’s quite familiar with – the two and will be seen stumbling about the Union as a drunk kitty. Purrrr, hiccup!

• Athletics director Steve Pederson should show his team spirit and join the Oakland Zoo for a day. This costume would of course feature the official Oakland Zoo T-shirt, face paint and the superfluous screaming of the word, “vomit!”

• Last but certainly not least, The Pitt News promises to be seen as tabloid journalists. This will include blinding campus celebrities with camera flashes, asking inappropriate questions at inopportune times and publishing stories in the most sensationalist fashion possible. Oh, wait …