Don’t tease: Give me my ’80s every night, Mr. Hartwell, please

An Open Letter to Johnny Hartwell, Programming Director of The Star 100.7

Dear Johnny… An Open Letter to Johnny Hartwell, Programming Director of The Star 100.7

Dear Johnny Hartwell:

c/o Infinity Broadcasting (which comprises Star, B-94 ‘ Y108)

I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar, that much is true. Someone behind the bar adjusted the dial, and the music was fire, pure desire. The bartender sloshed three margaritas, while the busboys danced (like the wave of the ocean).

The ’80s returned to mainstream media after a brief hiatus of newer hits. We like the night life, baby, and this was it. I don’t remember when the Star brought the ’80s back, but it was high time for a little of that then. And it’s high time for a little more now.

I was lifted out of my mother’s womb during early Madonna, with the OB-gyn clicking his forceps to the heavy bass line. My first summer of love was slow dancing to U2’s Zooropa. Human League rounded out the final stanzas of Cornerflash as I broke out of training wheels. Three generations of Americans grew up to the ’80s; it was the unstoppable love train of our innocence.

I don’t remember being born, but from the way I move my hips it was definitely to one of the divas – and, of course, a C-section has a soundtrack. It may be mean – but I don’t care – I understand the weakness of my argument: The republicans had the House and inflation was driving the economy too high for the national good, but the Coen brothers started then.

I got my first kiss outside the Sacred Heart gym – it was Cindi Lauper on the schoolhouse speakers – with John Lavelle and I holding hands like the third graders we were. My brother won his first fight to the Rocky soundtrack, and my sister started a kindergarten riot because girls just want to have fun.

My parents were still in love – it was Tina Turner before the Ike issue. My grandparents were still alive, and Springsteen kept his labor ideals loud. We learned to drive with Phil Collins on the stereo. Even the mundane – going to the grocery store with Mom, painting the porch with Dad – was OK, because in the whole decade there wasn’t one bad song.

Eminem is a lyrical genius, and everybody runs track lines for Britney Spears, but overplaying the obvious is like drowning the Beatles out in Barry Manilow.

Infinity Broadcasting Corp. should be well familiar with that refrain. It runs two semi-competitive stations, B-94 and Star, which play the pop billboard against itself. You only pepper that lineup with other decades at lunchtime and some weekends. Admittedly, you know how to do it right: for example, the Retro Pop Reunion on Sunday evenings.

But over all, you’ve shortchanged your listeners. We’re entitled to a steady diet of the music of our youth. Shortchange modern hits on weekends. Either that, or tell me what it takes to let you go.

For the sake of our collective memories, dedicate your station Star 100.7 to the ’80s. The music of the ’40s and ’50s is represented on the AM dial. The music of the ’60s and ’70s is represented on 94.5. We have two hearty classic rock stations and that’s where the dial disintegrates. Instead of offering listeners modern hits on three stations – 96.1, 94.5 and 100.7 – give us back the ’80s. Right now, it’s Mississippi in the middle of a dry spell; give us some black velvet, if you please.

Mr. Hartwell, I’m going to let you know, it’s always tease, tease, tease. So if you want me off your back, give me a little more music. It’s such a small favor. Six to midnight, every night, from now until the day I die. Thank you.

Kate Zangrilli loves a brisk walk in the cold November rain. But what she’d really like would be more ’80s music or to hear from you. Drop her an e-mail about anything you’re passionate about: kzangrilli@hotmail.com.