April Fools: Screaming Aaron Paul fan stars alongside Aaron Paul in new flick

Editor’s Note: This is a satirical story.

When director Gabriele Muccino began filming his new movie “Fathers and Daughters” on the University of Pittsburgh’s campus, he might have expected throngs of young fans to swarm the set.

But Muccino probably didn’t expect to recast one of his young stars.

On Monday, the director revealed that his film, which once starred “Breaking Bad” star Aaron Paul, Amanda Seyfried and Russell Crowe, will be recasting the Seyfried role for Screaming Aaron Paul Fan.

He first noticed her while they were shooting last Thursday outside the Carnegie Library, when tens of thousands of fans gathered across the street from the set.

After finishing a scene, Paul invited the mob of fans to run over to him. The crowd sprinted, jumped and howled for Paul. But one fan made a lasting impression on Muccino like no other.

“When I first saw Screaming Aaron Paul Fan, she just had this contagious energy,” Muccino said. “You could tell she just wanted to stand next to Aaron and photograph herself all day long. That’s when I knew she was perfect for the role.”

The “contagious energy” that Muccino noted was most likely describing her continuous screaming from the moment she saw Paul.

“Once Aaron Paul walked over to us, Screaming Aaron Paul Fan began to scream for as long as her body would allow,” said Somber Russell Crowe Fan. “She would sometimes break the shrill noise to utter a common Jesse Pinkman catchphrase like ‘yeah, b*tch,’ ‘Gatorade me, b*tch’ or ‘this is my own private domicile, and I will not be harassed, b*tch!’”  

But Screaming Aaron Paul Fan attributes her success to a whole other set of physical qualities.

Screaming Aaron Paul Fan said that she loved Aaron Paul so much that she told herself that she would “kick, punch, body slam and generally manhandle at least 20 other girls to get close to him.”

Area hospitals have estimated that 10 to about 40 fans have been hospitalized as a result of Screaming Aaron Paul Fan.

When asked about the fan’s volatile physicality, Muccino was hesitant to express his concerns.

“She’s a firecracker for sure, but we have developed a new filming strategy where Aaron and Screaming Aaron Paul Fan will never share the screen with other actors,” Muccino said.

While extensive rewrites would normally be required for situations like this, Muccino and screenwriter Brad Desch are taking a more improvisational approach to finishing the film.

“Instead of changing entire scenes in which Aaron and Amanda’s characters would have interacted with other cast members, we’ve decided to let Aaron try some more off-the-cuff dialogue, with Screaming Aaron Paul Fan screaming responses of varying volume and timbre,” Muccino said.

He noted that the changes could result in some delays, much like that other movie filmed in Pittsburgh.

Screaming Aaron Paul Fan is extremely excited for the opportunity to act alongside her favorite actor of all time, but admits that the demanding schedule might impact her “Breaking Bad” binge schedule.

“I’m halfway into season two right now, so I’ve already seen that one bald politician guy get killed off. I still have a lot of the show left, but at this point, I’m just waiting for the main character to lose his stupid southern accent,” she said.