Editorial: Casual Fridays

Nightmare on Market Street

On Wednesday, a judge used the power of the law against a warlock and won. The Salem, Mass., judge granted witch-priestess Lori Sforza a protective order against self-proclaimed warlock Christian Day, in what was truly a legal horror story. The two used to work together until they got into some tricky business when Sforza decided to open her own witchcraft shop. The decision spooked Day, who started casting harassment spells over the phone and on Sforza’s social media. Day wants a rematch with the judge, and plans to appeal the order. If he keeps this up, he’s on his ways to five years of jail and 13 years of bad luck.

Haunted occupancy vehicle

On Tuesday, a Washington man learned that you can’t fake your way into the HOV lane. State trooper Guy Gill pulled the man over during his morning commute after spotting a passenger that didn’t look too lively. The man’s little buddy turned out to be a creepy, childlike doll he was trying to pass off as a passenger. The cop was no dummy, and gave the man a $136 fine for the violation. Although the driver was already in the hot seat, the trooper didn’t charge him for the missing child seat. Begrudgingly, the man and his car ghoul drove off into the distance to join the masses of lone drivers.

Deadly dinner

On Nov. 7, Hotel Vermont will give residents one wild supper. Chef Doug Paine is serving up some Vermont roadkill for a meal that makes dinner out of accidents.. The meal may not be up to an organic fanatic’s standards, however, the animals are freeway, and not free-range. To set an authentic ambience, the hotel will also treat residents to some highway robbery. At $75 a meal, it’s hard to tell who’s hurting more, the diners’ wallets or the meal.

Bonkers for breakfast

On Sunday, Mitchell Harris Feinberg made a smashing exit from a Brookhaven Waffle House in an unusual dine and dash. When the waitress presented the  bill, Feinberg got angry when he saw that the chain had charged him $1.50 for his sausage biscuit, which was a 50 cent price hike from his typical bill. After looking over the bill, Feinberg got up from his seat, threw the bill on the ground and kicked the front door on his way out. He didn’t wanted to dirty his hands with crime, or touch the greasy door. Unfortunately for him, the glass on the door shattered and Feinberg was found clean-handed a short time later when police arrested him at a nearby apartment complex. It seems as if Feinberg’s hangry attitude got the best of him.

Dead relations

When South Wales resident Keiran Cable started dating his girlfriend, he became “dead to the world.” Miffed, his friends made the death official. After 18 months of texts and emails that went mostly unanswered, Cable’s friends were dying to spend some time with him. They invited him to a pub to watch some rugby, but when Cable arrived, he made a grave realization. His friends were hosting his funeral and wake, complete with a coffin, hearse, eulogy and hymns. Cable took the outside-the-coffin surprise in stride, but an inside source tells us that Cable just didn’t want to be their friend anymore.