Editorial: Casual Fridays

Locker room Stapples

Carolina Panther fans are feeling alive for the very first time in a decade. Backup linebacker Ben Jacobs has made a habit of belting lyrics from the popular ’90s rock band Creed when his teammates least expect it. According to Jacobs, the key to proper Creedbombing is “to make really deep, direct eye contact.” It remains unclear whether teammates have accepted the prank, dubbed “Creedbombing,” with arms wide open or not. Even blind men in places with golden streets can see that Creedbombing has been propelling the team across the final six feet to endzones all season. Thanks to Jacobs, the Carolina Panthers are well on their way to their Super Bowl dreams.

More like “no-choice”

Presidential candidate Carly Fiorina surprised a field trip of Iowa pre-schoolers on Wednesday by “inviting” them to attend her speech at the Greater Des Moines Botanical Garden. The children’s parents were even more shocked — especially when they realized the speech was part of an anti-abortion rally. According to Chris Beck, whose four-year-old son was among the lucky class, Fiorina’s staff never asked permission to include the children at the rally, which also featured activists holding models of unborn fetuses. One of the children told The Pitt News, under condition of anonymity, that he suspects Fiorina infected his classmates with cooties. He would not comment about which Republican candidate can count on his vote, but mentioned that he respects Ben Carson for representing his concerns.

Cupid and Psyche go to White Castle

Love and fryer oil vapors are in the air. This year marks the 25th anniversary of White Castle’s Valentine’s Day dinner, and customers can now fill their reservations, the company announced on Wednesday. White Castles across the country will be decorated with candles and plastic roses during the medium-rare event, so every diner’s special somebody is guaranteed to flip. Last year, at least 35,000 people spent the most romantic night of the year over sliders and fries. The company is not taking responsibility if proposals made with onion or chicken rings end in rejection or indigestion.

Feline it

Customers at a Russian cafe are now taking the time to paws and take a deep breath. Anastasia Alexandrova and Fyodor Demin have begun teaching a weekly “cat yoga” course, which runs similarly to a traditional yoga class but features a group of 10 cats who sit on students as they hold positions. Demin’s class is not the first of its kind, with similar programs popping up across the United States in San Francisco, New York City and Washington, D.C. Attendees seem uninterested in nipping the practice in the bud. One student commented, “I felt in harmony with this world. Happiness, love, joy and calmness. Finally, I was able to understand myself.” Clearly, Downward Dog’s days are numbered— Lazily Snoozing is the new cat’s meow.

Frozen in twine

A Minnesota man can confidently say that he has the coolest pants on the block. Tom Grotting has been dipping pairs of pants into water and allowing them to freeze while standing upright. The pants appear to be covering invisible people, an illusion that Grotting has used for his own amusement and the despair of his teenage children. Grotting positions the frozen pants around parking meters and on neighbors’ lawns, making him a local celebrity. Say what you will, but Grotting clearly has the leg up on the latest winter trend.