Cathedral lighting up for high grades

Even though the football season is over, that doesn’t mean Pitt has turned the victory lights off.

Fans who have noticed the lights shining more frequently — and seemingly without reason — this spring can thank junior finance major Terry Anderson.

In a statement issued Thursday, Pitt said it has been turning the lights on every time Anderson gets an A on an exam — not just for the University’s athletic accomplishments.

And Anderson has been doing great this semester — he’s on track to earn at least a 3.5 GPA.

“All of the faculty and administration came together and agreed that Terry’s accomplishments in his school work are really a microcosm of Pitt’s values and expectations,” Chancellor Patrick Gallagher said in a statement.

Anderson’s professors report that his attendance and participation have been nothing short of stellar and have elevated him above most high-achieving students. His mother said his performance has drastically improved compared to last semester.

“I mean, that’s kind of cool, I guess,” Anderson, who describes himself as “just an average guy,” said. “I didn’t think getting an A- on my exam was that big of a deal.”

Gallagher, though, disagreed.

“I couldn’t be prouder of Terry,” he said, “especially since he’s pulled his grades up from last semester. I was worried about him last year, that intermediate microeconomics class wasn’t going so well, but he’s really shown us that he is capable of doing really well in his classes. And that’s worth rewarding — in a big, bright way.”

This is a satirical story, part of the Pitt News’ annual April Fool’s edition.