Rental Guide: Kaiser: Cut the chatter: Forget small talk, discuss subjects that matter

I’m not the best with socializing. I bring books to family gatherings because I can’t maintain conversation for multiple hours. I’ve been known to avoid uncomfortable social situations by giving a thumbs-up and fleeing the room, which only magnifies the awkwardness of the encounter. (I don’t recommend doing this. Try to stick it out.) When people ask me personal questions, my first instinct is to figure out a way to turn the conversation back onto the other person so I have to talk as little as possible.

I might have flaws when it comes to social interaction, but even the most adept communicator should feel frustrated by the triviality of small talk.

When did it become socially unacceptable to talk about the big important stuff, like religion and philosophy? Why is it okay to walk into a room and say, “It’s freezing outside,” but not, “I can’t believe the Higgs boson could be responsible for all the mass in the universe?”

Small talk is boring. No one cares that you got slivers of eggshell in your breakfast burrito this morning or that the lining of your UGGs smells just like the communal trash rooms in Towers.

I’m okay with small talk if there is genuine interest in the conversation — some people are really into discussing different Vera Bradley prints or dissecting character development in Stallone movies — or if you’re trying to be polite and friendly (hello, new lab partner), but I don’t like it when it’s used to fill pockets of silence. Besides, most attempts to eradicate silence fail, anyway, because everyone is too busy on their phones to chime in with their own bits of small talk.

We need to start talking about things that matter, things we care about and things that affect us on a personal level. Let’s forget about the person who took our clothes out of the dryer without bothering to fold them and instead talk about things that mean something to us.

One semester, I took a religious studies class and was shocked to realize that the professor was not allowed to ask us anything about our personal views on religion — not even through a class-wide poll — unless we voluntarily provided the information. The class centered on questions such as whether God exists and if miracles are possible, questions on which everyone in the room had an opinion. Yet we were never forced to confront our own beliefs, at least not publicly. My question is, why not?

I understand that religion is intensely personal and that people get easily offended by the subject, but if we talked about it more and stopped shoving it into a corner, maybe we’d create more understanding and more acceptance of people’s different beliefs.

Same goes for sex. Like religion, it’s a taboo topic, despite the fact that it plays an important role in our lives. We end up Googling sex questions and then deleting our browsing history, all because it’s easier to ask the Internet if the correct term is “foreplay” or “floor-play” instead of asking a friend.

I’m not saying I want to hear the intimate details of your boyfriend’s visit last weekend, but I do think that questions starting with, “Is it normal that …” shouldn’t be embarrassing to ask.

I think one reason we avoid talking about these issues is because people are easily upset by them. Say the word “Obamacare” to the next person you meet, and you’ll see what I mean. It’s easier and more convenient to talk about the polar vortex that swept through Pittsburgh instead of health care, despite the fact that one topic has more lasting consequences for us, because we can all agree that last week was really cold — we can’t all agree that Obamacare is helpful for everyone.

We shy away from controversial topics, but I think we need to start embracing them. Yes, people are going to disagree. Yes, people will get offended. But one of the best ways to learn opposing beliefs and to sharpen our own is through dialogue.

And besides, it is so much more interesting to talk about things that involve a bit of dissension, as opposed to the latest Miley Cyrus scandal? We all know her VMAs performance was terrible, so where’s the fun in rehashing that?

So let’s pull out all the stops and dig deep. Talk about quantum physics on the fly, Gandhian principles while you’re procrastinating in the Cathedral and that weird thing your girlfriend did last night (is that normal? Always?). Don’t have anything to say? Stay silent. You can never go wrong with that.

Write to Channing at clk8@pitt.edu.