Top 10: Master Plan suggestions

With Homecoming upon us once again and campus flooded with Pitt alumni, we’re tempted to look not only backwards at our school’s past, but forward at its future as well. Pitt’s looking for student input for the new Oakland Campus Master Plan — a road map for campus development over the next 30 years. And of course, we here at The Pitt News are ready to do our part. Here are 10 of our top suggestions for the Master Plan.

10. A water slide in the Cathedral of Learning

We think this one’s pretty doable — with so much flooding on Cathy’s lower floors this semester, it should be a cinch to invest in a body slide and channel some of that extra plumbing from the third floor bathrooms down to the commons room.

9. Wine at water fountains

Turning water into wine at all campus drinking fountains would be a big step in protecting Pitt students from Pittsburgh’s sometimes uneven tap water quality. Just think about all the bottle and boxes we’d be saving.

8. Moving walkways around campus

We’ve already got bike lanes. Why not speed up travel times for pedestrians from one side of the campus to the other by adding in a conveyor belt?

7. Set the rules in stone for joining the Cathedral club

The editors here at The Pitt News have some serious disagreements as to what exactly constitutes membership in campus’ most coveted group. We think the Master Plan should include a sign at the Cathedral’s entrance that outlines the requirements.

6. Dual factor identification dorm rooms

With security on our Pitt email accounts ramped up over the summer, what’s stopping the University from making us sign into our dorm rooms on our phones? The future is now.

5. Move the football stadium back to campus

We wouldn’t have to start drinking at 7 a.m. — we could wait until 10.

4. Hot tubs on building roofs

OK, yes, this one is a bit of a stretch, but hear us out. If we want to increase green space, what better place to start than on the top of buildings on campus? And what better way to enjoy those new green spaces than with a soothing spa?

3. A way for students to walk from the Union to the Cathedral

Pitt students may love narrowly escaping serious injury while walking in the crosswalk in front of aggressive suburbanites on their commute home, but at least let us know when those camouflaged 10As are coming up the street.

2. Move the Duquesne Incline to Cardiac Hill

It might be a little tough to convince the city to let us move one of Pittsburgh’s best known landmarks from its current Mt. Washington location to the heart of Oakland. But just think about the poor underclassmen living on upper campus whose pain and suffering would be alleviated every day. And when your date night at the landmark invariably goes awry, it’s that much easier to escape.

1. Having a 7-Eleven on campus

We don’t know where it would go or what it would look like, but we just have this feeling that a cheap independent convenience store open at all hours on Forbes Avenue might be popular with Pitt students. But that might just be us.