What to do in the fall if you hate football

For some, the air cooling and people pulling their fall wardrobes out of storage can only mean one thing — football season. For the rest of us, the best we can do is try to make the most of our Sundays until February rolls around. Here are some of the best ways to spend your fall if you’re not a football fan.

Eat buffalo chicken dip and drink a beer while you tune out the game on TV

Even if you don’t love football, you likely love buffalo chicken dip and beer or, at least, one of the two. So crack open a cold one, throw up your feet and pretend like you know what your friends are talking about. Even better, have a few snacks.

Snacks are, arguably, the best part of any football-watching affair. Offerings range from buffalo chicken dip to wings, and if you’re a vegetarian, you’re in luck! Most wings come with a generous offering of celery and carrot sticks on the side — just for you.

Plan your halloween costume

As we draw closer and closer to October 31st, the only thing that matters is what you’ll be wearing Halloween weekend. Plan one costume — even two! You can always change halfway through your night, or plan on attending multiple Halloween parties.

The options are endless. If you have a boo why not be a couple of ghosts? Need a group costume for all your friends? Be the full range of Taco Bell hot sauces, from mild to fire. When you’re walking back home, past fields of girls dressed as black cats and a hundred frat boys in various basketball jerseys, you can take comfort knowing that you took the time they spent watching football and invested it into an original costume.

Create a new fall playlist

What better way to spend your fall than dancing your blues away? There’s plenty of fall-themed music out there to make the perfect playlist. “Grand Theft Autumn” by Fall Out Boy has the name of the season in the title. There’s even plenty of spooky music out there to get you in the Halloween mood. If it’s the “Season of the Witch,” then it’s time to do the “Monster Mash,” — but beware! “I Put a Spell on You” and “Heads Will Roll” this fall.

Visit an apple orchard

Even though you can buy as many apples as your heart desires at the grocery store, it’s always more fun to do all the hard work yourself. Pay someone for access to their orchard, then collect your apples! If you find yourself confused about what you’re doing with all these apples, how you got here and how all of these apples got into your home, don’t fret.

Plenty of apple recipes exist for you to turn your abundance of apples into an abundance of meals. From the conventional applesauce to the less-ventured options like adding green apples to a grilled cheese, you’ll soon have more apple-based food than you know what to do with. Share them with your friends at their next stupid tailgate.

Tweet about how pumpkin spice lattes are basic

Everyone knows that pumpkin spice lattes (PSLs) are a basic drink for basic people. Even if you’re not entirely sure what “basic” means — hint: no one does — it’s best to fire off a few tweets about how you’d never be caught dead drinking one. Sip your black, sugar-less coffee and snicker at all the people around you snapping pictures of their latte art to post on Instagram, knowing you’re better than them.

While you’re at it, type up a new chapter of your novel on your typewriter while at Starbucks. Sure, everyone else is using a laptop, but you’re not like everyone else. You’ve never even tried a PSL, for god’s sake. You’d never be caught at home watching a football game when you could be penning the next great American novel while you sip coffee as black as your soul.

Pretend it’s not 80 degrees outside and shop for a new fall wardrobe

While fall weather hasn’t set in yet, it’s bound to eventually. Every year in our increasingly warming climate, it takes longer and longer for the chilly winds of autumn to make their way to Pittsburgh. Don’t worry, though, because they’re coming. Probably. Maybe.

Either way, take advantage of some of the great shopping opportunities we have here in the ’Burgh by getting yourself a new sweater or maybe some new boots. There’s plenty of options for open-air shopping in the still-warm weather, such as the Waterfront and SouthSide Works. Stay far, far, away from the North Shore, the location of many Pitt and Steelers football games. You wouldn’t want the crowds of bright yellow, jersey-wearing football fans to cramp your style.

Decorate with all of the best fall decor

Pick up the pumpkins, carve them into jack-o’-lanterns and get the skeleton coffee mugs out while you’re at it, because it’s not really spooky season until your house looks like it could be a part of Halloweentown. Fall scented candles like pumpkin, apple spice and crisp fallen leaves add to the ambience as well. To top off the autumn aesthetic, don’t forget to put up some twinkle lights. They could be in the shape of pumpkins, ghosts or skeletons, in honor of autumn’s spookiest holiday.