Satire | A day in the life of Ricardo, my South Oakland House Mouse
By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist
November 13, 2019
Ricardo the South Oakland House Mouse begins his day as all South Oakland mice do.
Satire | November Horoscopes
By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist
November 7, 2019
The stars have excitement in store for everyone this November.
Editorial: Top 10 roads Pitt should close along with Bigelow
By The Pitt News Editorial Board
November 7, 2019
While we’re coming to terms road closure, we thought of 10 streets Pitt should close in addition to Bigelow Boulevard.
Satire: Completely reasonable expectations for Pitt basketball
By Trent Leonard, Sports Editor
November 6, 2019
Xavier Johnson averaging a triple double? Trey McGowens making the leap to one of the nation’s top scorers? Pitt making a run at the ACC Championship? All very logical possibilities, writes sports editor Trent Leonard.
Satire | Top 10 considerations for an Uber Copter future
By Alex Dolinger, Staff Columnist
October 31, 2019
The future is upon us, my friends. Uber announced in July the beginnings of helicopter services in New York City to and from JFK Airport for $200, with plans to expand and make aerial ridesharing available to the masses by as early as 2023. This rich nonsense has me imagining a future where ordering ...
Satire | An Early Morning in Pittsburgh International Airport
By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist
October 24, 2019
TSA screening is the best place to observe human interaction.
Satire | A Night in the Starbucks Zone
By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist
September 25, 2019
What has Starbucks been hiding from us between 9 p.m. and 5 a.m., besides worn-out employees? It’s time for me to find out so you don’t have to.
Satire | How to make small talk with people from high school
By Genna Edwards, Staff Columnist
September 19, 2019
Use these tips and neither you nor Sarah will break a sweat trying to chit-chat while the professor searches for a working Expo marker.
What to do in the fall if you hate football
By Delilah Bourque and Sarah Connor, Contributing Editors
September 18, 2019
For some, the air cooling and people pulling their fall wardrobes out of storage can only mean one thing — football season. For the rest of us, the best we can do is try to make the most of our Sundays until February rolls around. Here are some of the best ways to spend your fall if you’re not a football fan.
Satire | LinkedIn Horoscopes
By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist
September 11, 2019
Here are some tips, directly from the stars, to help you optimize your LinkedIn experience.