The Panther Crawl
The University of Pittsburgh's Daily Student Newspaper

The Pitt News
The University of Pittsburgh's Daily Student Newspaper

The Pitt News
The University of Pittsburgh's Daily Student Newspaper

The Pitt News
Halket Street in Oakland.

Satire | Pitt student loses mind after all his friends go home for summer

By Thomas Riley, Opinions Editor • June 7, 2023
Without schoolwork taking up their evenings, students can spend more free time with their friends — but what about those whose friends moved back home for the summer?
Satire | Climate change is going to kill Punxsutawney Phil

Satire | Climate change is going to kill Punxsutawney Phil

By Jessica Snyder, Senior Staff Columnist • February 6, 2023
It’s becoming harder and harder to put faith in our little Punxsutawney vermin. The period at the beginning of the year was often a transition from winter to spring, so most of his predictions weren’t too hard to believe. I’d even say that they were sometimes actually right. If this year’s prediction doesn’t completely disenfranchise Phil, he should at least get laid off until he proves he can provide accurate information.
Satire | First artificially intelligent student accepted to Carnegie Mellon School of Arts

Satire | First artificially intelligent student accepted to Carnegie Mellon School of Arts

By Thomas Riley, Staff Columnist • January 20, 2023
An AI student at CMU and the ways that AI has impacted the world of art.
Satire | Ally to renters? This South Oakland landlord claims he’s ‘one of the good ones’

Satire | Ally to renters? This South Oakland landlord claims he’s ‘one of the good ones’

By Thomas Riley, Staff Columnist • November 15, 2022
As lowerclassmen begin the hunt for off-campus housing for the next school year, they may struggle to not only choose a place to rent, but also to choose a landlord. There are plenty of horror stories out there from past and current renters, but one local landlord says he’s trying to make a difference.
Satire | A diary entry from a fork in Towers

Satire | A diary entry from a fork in Towers

By Talia Spillerman, Senior Staff Writer • October 18, 2022
This is a satirical piece — no forks were harmed in the making of this article.
Satire | Pitt student distraught after realizing his music taste is terrible

Satire | Pitt student distraught after realizing his music taste is terrible

By Thomas Riley, Staff Columnist • October 3, 2022
Unfortunately for one Pitt student, the last house party he attended in South Oakland revealed that his music taste is really awful.
Satire | Upper campus students unbothered by new construction

Satire | Upper campus students unbothered by new construction

By Thomas Riley, For The Pitt News • September 18, 2022
Thomas Riley reports on the attitudes of upper campus residents in the wake of ever-increasing construction projects.
Members of The Pitiful News at a meeting in the Cathedral of Learning on Monday night.

The Pitiful News fosters creative community for Pitt comedians

By Katelyn Kruszewski, Staff Writer • September 18, 2022
The Pitiful News, a satirical student-run online publication, mimics the structure of parody news source The Onion, supplying comedic articles for Pitt students on their website and social media platforms.
Satire | 6 pieces of advice for a (semi) normal year

Satire | 6 pieces of advice for a (semi) normal year

By Tim Moxey, For The Pitt News • August 20, 2021
I’m here to guide you through reacclimating to life in what will — hopefully — be a somewhat normal year.
Humor | Top 10 favorite things about antidepressants

Humor | Top 10 favorite things about antidepressants

By Alex Dolinger, Senior Staff Columnist • April 9, 2021
SNRIs are the best thing that has ever happened to senior staff columnist Alex Dolinger.
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The Pitt News
Email: [email protected] | [email protected]
Address: 434 William Pitt Union, Pittsburgh, Pa. 15260
Phone: 412-648-7980
Fax: 412-648-8491
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