Fresh Perspective | The subtle art of ghosting

Did you forget about me?

It’s okay if you did — I don’t blame you. I’ve completely ghosted you.

Ghosting is not a new term for me. I’ve been the one to be ghosted and the one to do the ghosting, so I know a thing or two. And the one thing I’ve learned is that they always come back. So, here I am, crawling back to you all in hopes you’ll still have me.

The last time you heard from me, I was struggling immensely with a lot of anxiety. I didn’t know where it came from — other than from the obvious fact that I am a soon-to-be graduate with no concrete plans for the near future. 

During the 3 months of our breakup I can say that, for the first time in my life, I feel rather balanced and calm in terms of my mental health. It is nothing against you all, but I think I can pinpoint the reason for my newfound look on life — my sobriety. 

I’ve talked in the past about my shaky relationship with alcohol, but I’ve never made the conscious decision to cut it out of my life. What would I do on the weekends? How would I be able to socialize with my friends? Would I still be fun? Those are genuine questions that crossed my mind — and just the sheer fact that I was worried about how I would socialize without alcohol was reason enough to cut it out of my life.

So, as Jan. 1 rolled around, so did Dry January and the start of my sobriety. I will be honest — it was hard at first. I noticed that I used alcohol as a mechanism to relax and to socialize, so as I cut it out completely for the month, I worried about how I would react to temptations.

After the first week or two — and my first sober trip to the bar as I threw down at least 3 soda waters with a splash of cranberry — staying sober came easy. My Friday and Saturday nights used to consist of pregame drinks and loud music, and stumbling home to go to bed at 4 a.m. with my makeup still on and a half-eaten pizza on my coffee table. Now, I am in bed by 11 p.m., I have some consideration for my skincare and I wake up well rested the next morning.

I noticed when I drank — and that would usually be a hefty amount on the weekends — I would wake up with a racing heartbeat and a weighted blanket of anxiety over me. My skin would be a mess, my head would be aching from every angle and my body genuinely felt like it was shutting down. 

I’ve noticed how genuinely good I feel now after not consuming alcohol for a month. I’m not as bloated, my skin has cleared up, my energy levels started to improve and I don’t wake up ungodly hungover and hating myself in a fiery pit of anxiety. I am genuinely the happiest I’ve been in a very long time. 

Now, I am not here to say that to rid yourself of your life’s problems you need to stop drinking. I am saying that it is okay to ghost what is not good for you. Ghost the boy that makes you cry. Ghost those friends that never include you. Ghost the thing you’ve been holding on to for far too long. Ghost the damn alcohol if you want! Or don’t — I am not here to tell you how you should live your life.

But ever since I ghosted my toxic relationship with alcohol, I have naturally begun to ghost other things that don’t fit my life anymore, such as negative self-talk, self-doubt and anxious habits. I’m more at peace with aspects of my life I used to be in absolute shambles about.

The moral of the story is that getting rid of the negative factors in your life that are holding you back from being your best self actually works. Crazy, right? When you get rid of things that no longer serve you, whether it’s alcohol, an unhealthy friend group or a toxic situationship, you make room for things that fill your cup, such as self-love, patience and peace.

So, in light of Valentine’s Day, give yourself some love and lean into the subtle art of ghosting — you will thank me later.