Opinion | The academic’s guide to making time for the people you love

When my boyfriend and I met, we knew we had to make the most of our time together. We only had five months until he left for a semester to study on the other side of the world. Before meeting him, my weeks were fully dedicated to school. It felt illegal not to spend Monday through Friday obsessing over my classwork. 

This changed when we started dating. It felt unbearable to spend more than a day away from my person. I woke up and fell asleep missing him, unless he was right next to me. So, to mitigate the impending heartache of spending four months apart with no visits, we knew spending time together had to become a priority for both of us.

As a student who spent all of high school — and now college — determined to have a nearly perfect GPA, I had to adjust my mindset of what it looks like to be a dedicated student. Could I have fun on a Wednesday night and still turn in all of my assignments, well done, and on time? Could I finally crack the code to the “work-life balance” the gods foretold? 

I knew I must be doing something right when, for the first time in years, I could remember the month of February without concerning overtones of depression. Although, in part, I must credit this to my SSRIs, I truly believe the time I spent with the people I love made the greatest difference. 

I learned that balancing my romantic relationship and friendships with school did not equate to money spent on expensive outings or even leaving the house. It just required intentionally making time for each other. By being present in the time I spend with them and making the most of the moments we have together, I became more grateful for seemingly menial interactions without burning myself out.

So, I offer to you “The Academic’s Guide to Making Time for the People You Love.” 

1. Treat school as your 9-to-5.

Before leaving for college, my dad advised me, “Treat college like a job. Dedicate eight hours of your day completely to schoolwork, and you’ll be fine.” I try to use this advice every day of the week. Whenever I start my work in the morning, I count out eight hours from then and declare that as when I will step away from Outlook and Google Drive to give my mind a rest. If you typically start work around 10 or 11 because, like me, you fall back asleep for 30 minutes after your alarm goes off every single morning, you’re in great shape to be done in time for dinner. I recommend spending the rest of your night with someone who will help the stress of the day melt off your shoulders. 

2. Eat at home.

At the end of the day, I am exhausted. I have yet to get to the hour of 4 p.m. and not yearn for my bed. So usually, around 7 p.m., after my evening caffeine fix begins to wear off, the last thing I want is to sit in a noisy restaurant on a cold, uncomfortable chair. I’m drained from existing. My social battery is dead. This is why, on weekdays, with the exception of Wednesdays after 9 p.m. — when quesadillas at Stack’d are half off — I eat at home. 

But I don’t cook every night either. I frequent restaurants on Forbes that take off-campus dining dollars or rely on frozen pizzas and affordable microwave meals from Trader Joe’s. This way, I can sit and watch whatever latest show my boyfriend and I are fixated on and reset my social battery. 

3. Have a dedicated show to watch with your person.

I believe that one of the best ways to get to know someone is to watch their favorite show. When dating, especially for a lazy gal like myself, this is an easy way to learn about your partner’s humor and what fascinates them. No unnecessarily long conversations needed after a long school day of group discussions with strangers. Even better, you can watch it held in the comfort of your person’s arms. When you are equally invested in the show, this becomes an activity to do together. You form inside jokes about the show and share your psychoanalyses of the characters. 

This activity is also perfect for friends because so many shows center around adult friendships — Friends, obviously, New Girl, Broad City, Girls, Sex in the City, Brooklyn 99 and so many more. I also have to give Fleabag an honorable mention because it is dangerous to watch the final scene of the series alone. 

4. Doomscroll together.

Tip — this is more fun if you have an embarrassing For You Page. 

After a long day of lectures, I long for nonverbal time spent watching content no longer than 15 seconds. Is it always literal brain rot? Yes. Is it my favorite activity to do with my roommates every day after we get home from classes? Absolutely. We cackle, anticipating each other’s reactions to the heinous videos we send each other in our group chat with a weird name that is only funny to us. 

After some coercion, my boyfriend let me scroll through his TikTok For You Page. Of course, we also send each other videos, but seeing the “FYP” firsthand is special. Once, we spent an unreasonable amount of time going down a rabbit hole of cooking videos featuring disgusting food combinations, almost exclusively cooked in a microwave and once with soda and raw chicken in an air fryer. Then, we went back through the account and rated the meals, all of which would send anyone who eats them directly to the ER. 

There is not much better than laughing with the people you love, so why shouldn’t this routine pastime become something we do together?

5. Separate but together activities

Sadly, the eight hours spent locked in five days a week are not always enough to get every task done. So, some evenings you have pages left to read or a paper to revise. This doesn’t mean you can’t spend time with your people. I have found myself reading about the militarization of Russian soldiers while my boyfriend plays Baldur’s Gate or studying transgender history while he competes in Intramural Rocket League — yes, this is a real thing Pitt offers — with his roommate. We may not be talking or even sitting next to each other, but we’re together. It’s time spent in each other’s presence, which sometimes is all you need to feel connected to someone. Plus, when you know that you are not going to get to be in the same room as your person for months, these small moments mean so much more.

I do the same with my friends, meeting at Hillman, wearing headphones, not talking and finishing assignments. It helps to hold yourself accountable for staying focused, and it’s ultimately nice to have company.

6. Hang out with each other’s friends. 

This is especially significant for a romantic partner. Your partner will have friends separate from yours that they want to spend time with, and you can’t blame them for not wanting to choose between the people they love. Unless your partner’s friends are intolerable, I think it’s worth getting to know them and spending time around them. I have spent countless evenings losing at Mario Kart but earning my redemption on aux playing Blood Orange and TV Girl. Some of my favorite nights are spent watching The White Lotus with my boyfriend’s friends trying to predict the plot. 

My man has attended girls’ nights and hangs out with my friends at parties — sometimes more than me — playing card games and getting screamed at by them. Although it makes my heart full to see them bonding, he has started to pick up on their sass and recently used the term “Office Siren” in conversation.

If you’re missing your friend who has a partner, ask if you can third-wheel their plans. I doubt they will be upset to be surrounded by all of their favorite people at once. 

Ultimately, one lesson I have learned in my short 20 years of existence is that it is not academic validation that makes living worthwhile. It is people. My friends, my partner and my family, time after time, pull me out of my darkest moments and motivate me to work hard. Years down the line, I will not remember my exact GPA, but I will remember the nights spent laughing until I could barely breathe, surrounded by people I hope to still have in my life. 

Juli misses her boyfriend. Offer her condolences at jhs106@pitt.edu.