Don’t get trapped by cushion of first friends

First, a matter of practicality: I know that many of the students reading this guide aren’t… First, a matter of practicality: I know that many of the students reading this guide aren’t necessarily freshmen. There are transfer students, adults and all others kinds of people matriculating into Pitt as “new” who don’t really need advice about the wonderful world of college.

But it’s the freshmen – oh, you lucky ducks – specifically, that I’m talking to here. I feel like I should state that on the record right away, because my message, which I guess I should also state, is probably familiar to anyone who has spent so much as a week in college already in his or her lifetime.

The message is this: Do not to cling to the first group of friends you ever meet here. Do not plunk down on Pitt’s doorstep, introduce yourself to a handful of guys and gals, hang with them the very first night, decide this is the life for you and then proceed to ignore the rest of the world for the next seven months.

You might have heard that college is different from high school. That’s no joke. There’s no curfew. There’s way more homework. The classes are bigger, they begin after 7 in the morning and they end after 2:30 in the afternoon. You can eat pizza every day. There’s lots of partying.

But we all know that none of that is any good if you don’t have somebody (somebodies, even) to stay out late, study, eat and groove with. So, like most, you will say hi to almost anyone with a nose during Arrival Survival and into the first few weeks of the school year. Umpteen times, you’ll ask and be asked, “So hey, what’s your major?” You’ll enter and leave any given building in packs, and it will be a blast. No sarcasm there, actually.

But I’m warning you not to get stuck in that pack. The opportunities to meet people do not stop in September; they just get a little less cheesy. I can honestly tell you that I did not introduce myself to one of my closest friends here until almost Thanksgiving. And she lived three doors down the whole time. Funny how things work out.

I encourage you to stay somewhat socially open-minded for the obvious reason that it’s just not nice to deliberately ignore others, ever. Remember all that jazz we learned in kindergarten? It plays a surprisingly large role in university life. Which reminds me – along with being flexible, please share.

Anyway, nobody’s kidding when they say that cliques are pretty much high school’s thing. Unlike the norm during those glory days, it’s common in college to bounce back and forth between lots of different people. You’re not a loner with no real friends or an uber-popular social butterfly if you find yourself one day eating lunch with the kid next door, dinner with your friends in Chem Lab and then seeing a movie with someone you know from Pitt Start. You’re just like everybody else.

That’s the beauty of college. You flit and you float between different types of people and activities and adventures, and it isn’t weird at all. Everybody really is doing it. It’s how you grow up and, you know, find yourself.

Speaking of which, I think now is a good time to divulge the numero uno reason not be sheltered by your very first college friends.

It might literally take months to find people you truly connect with.

That’s not to say I don’t adore the people I spent time with in August. I do, I do. But at this moment in time, they are not my absolute closest friends at school.

And it makes perfect sense that we wouldn’t necessarily stumble across our closest friends right on the first try. But I know I definitely didn’t understand that.

I figured, “These are my friends,” and that was that. It didn’t occur to me that in college, friendships will come, go, fade and strengthen more quickly than they ever could in high school. It’s part of the package. That’s not to say that friendships change every day in college. But they can because you can change every day too. Exciting, huh?

That’s the beauty of hanging out with different groups in college. They’ll bring out different parts of you, and since college is a fresh slate, it’s OK to change it up – in safe and healthy ways, of course. You’ll never get to know yourself better, or something.

Friendships and groups aren’t set in stone the way they were in high school. And even if you do love the people you meet on day one, calm down. And continue to explore, Magellan.

Thank Carolyn later at ceg36@pitt.edu.