Nick too busy saving Pittsburgh to have headline here

Friends, Pittsburghers, commuters–lend me your ears.

I write this column not to praise… Friends, Pittsburghers, commuters–lend me your ears.

I write this column not to praise Murphy, but to defeat him in 2006.

First of all, I want to thank all of you who have given me your support. Together, we will save this city.

For those of you who haven’t given your support, I ask this simple question: Why not?

I offer change and a new direction in city politics, and all I ask for in return is your support. As I stated previously, I will run for mayor in 2006, but only if the citizens of Pittsburgh want me to.

I realize that you may wonder about supporting an untested politician to be mayor of a somewhat major metropolitan city, but have no fears. Here’s what it comes down to: Compared to what we have, anything would be better.

So, in this final plea for support, I want to lay down a few things so that you understand where I am coming from.

Get ready to meet Nick Kratsas, the candidate.

Since Democrats won’t support me, and no one will vote for me as a Republican, I plan to start my own party. Populace of Pittsburgh, prepare to embrace the Yinzer Party. While this name may conjure up images of Pittsburghers sporting mullets, Wrestlemania T-shirts and driving around our pothole-plagued streets in a Camaro, I embrace this as a piece of our culture and heritage. By redefining this term, my party and I will show that “yinzer” stands for progress, not pierogies. The Yinzer Party will follow the ideas of fiscal conservatism to manage the city’s finances while broadening social programs to entice people to come to the city.

“Fiscal responsibility? What’s that?” you ask.

It’s the exact opposite of when Murphy gives a few tax dollars here and there to encourage businesses that lose money for the city, while not paying the city bills. See, instead of stopping costly, risky projects, he continues them. And when it’s time to pay the bills, he doesn’t cut spending or raise revenue; he raises taxes and blames everyone else for his mismanagement.

While the city sinks deeper into financial debt, Murphy makes up budgets that operate as if the city has money. What kind of mayor announces that the city is in such financial straits that the current city budget will cause Pittsburgh to run out of money to operate by mid-summer, and then gives out raises to city workers like the Parking Authority employees?

It’s time for someone to stand up! It’s time to stop this self-destruction of our city! Its time for change in Pittsburgh!

It’s time for the Yinzer Party!

We’re gonna get him in Squirrel Hill! We’re gonna get him in Oakland! We’re gonna get him Downtown! We’re gonna get him in North Side and East Liberty and Manchester and Lawrenceville and South Side … the Strip, Hazelwood, Shady Side!!!

RUUUHHHAAAAA! RRRUUUUUHHHHHAAAAAAAAA!!!

Support regime change in Pittsburgh NOW! Stop Murphy’s weapons of mass taxation!

Vote Nick Kratsas for mayor in 2006!

Nick Kratsas is the Assistant Online Editor for The Pitt News. Email him at mayornick2006@yahoo.com or web him at www.pitt.edu/~nkk1 and show him support.