An interview with a robot

Q: Hi. How are you?

A: I made a little boy cry today. I hope my supervisor does not find… Q: Hi. How are you?

A: I made a little boy cry today. I hope my supervisor does not find out. I was only trying to entertain the creature. How was I to know that young humans find singing robots scary? Does this scare you? (Spins her head 360 degrees while singing a monotonous version of “There’s No Business Like Show Business”)

Q: Yeah, kind of.

A: Sometimes I think you humans are too sensitive. Maybe if you were made of metal, you wouldn’t freak out at every head-spinning robot you encounter.

Q: How do you like your job?

A: I love my job. I have my own desk, my own computer and my own coffee mug. Wait; where is my coffee mug?

Q: How is your dating life?

A: I had the best date last night. It was with a Chevy Impala. Normally, I don’t go out with cars. Gas guzzling is not attractive, and handling a stick shift is more trouble than it is worth — although, I will confess, I do like feeling in control.

Q: OK, TMI (too much information)

A: Impala, though, is an automatic — very easy to get along with. She totally anticipated all my needs. For our date, we went to the drive-through and saw “The Terminator” — the movie, not the actual killer cyborg.

Q: How is your therapy going?

A: I’m starting my own therapy business. Yes, Val, the robo-receptionist, will now dispense wisdom to the electronically inclined and emotionally needy — and I’ll make a nice profit in the process. You see, I’ve created a 1 (800) number, which I’ve patched to my work number, so now I can answer therapy calls at Newell-Simon …

Q: How long before you kill me and replace me?

A: I made a little boy cry today. I hope my supervisor does not find out. I was only trying to entertain the creature …