In praise of old men: Andy Rooney just doesn’t give a damn

In the competitive world of television journalism, most commentators take a cautious… In the competitive world of television journalism, most commentators take a cautious approach to expressing their views, avoiding potentially offensive statements at all costs.

This leaves a warm, fuzzy feeling in the compassionate reaches of our collective American soul, but it also often leads to strong opinions being glossed over in the name of sensitivity and political correctness.

However, there is at least one commentator unbothered by such constraints. This was reaffirmed this week on CBS’s weekly newsmagazine “60 Minutes.” Andy Rooney, the show’s curmudgeonly reporter who rarely shies away from telling the nation exactly what he thinks, has succeeded in offending devout Christians across the country by referring to Rev. Pat Robertson and “The Passion of the Christ” director Mel Gibson as “wackos.”

Rooney, of course, has gotten in trouble for his views many times before. In 1992, he drew the ire of American Indian groups when he chided those protesting against the Washington Redskins and other similarly named sports franchises as “having nothing better to do.”

Ten years later, he succeeded in enraging the nation’s female population by voicing his disdain for women who report from the sidelines during football telecasts.

Last February, he made headlines for making fun of the way the French “lost World War II to the Germans in about 20 minutes,” and therefore had no right to oppose President Bush’s plan to attack Iraq.

On Sunday’s show, though, Rooney had a sarcastic message just for two particular people, rather than a general harangue aimed at a group. In response to Robertson’s January remark that God had told him President Bush would be re-elected in a “blowout,” Rooney jokingly claimed that God had spoken to him as well.

Rooney quoted the Supreme Being as saying, “I wish you’d tell your viewers that both Pat Robertson and Mel Gibson strike me as wackos.”

It was a much-needed rebuke of Robertson’s insanity; Gibson, whose religious zealotry doesn’t quite rise to the level of sheer lunacy set by Robertson over the past several decades, was apparently thrown in just for fun. Rooney further quoted God, adding, “They’re crazy as bedbugs, another earthly expression. I created bedbugs. I tell you, they’re no crazier than people.”

I’m not even sure exactly what he meant by that last part about the bedbugs, but they still go down as some of my favorite remarks of the year. It’s apparent from these comments that Andy Rooney just doesn’t give a damn anymore. He’ll say anything that’s on his mind, regardless of whom it offends.

CBS has been inundated with calls for Rooney’s removal from the show, but I have to tell you, I think Andy Rooney is my new hero. He’s 83 years old and seems to have adopted the mentality that, since he doesn’t have much time left, he’d better just get everything off his chest — even if that involves simply calling specific people “wackos” during his segment of the show.

What’s been lost in the hubbub surrounding his remarks, of course, is the fact that Robertson — and, to a lesser extent, Gibson — really are wackos. It’s just that most people aren’t willing to say that on national TV.

The world needs more grumpy old men who go on TV and rant about uppity women-folk, crazy guys who say God is talking to them, and the French. I can imagine that, in his spare time, Rooney yells at neighborhood kids to get off his lawn, complains about how much things cost these days and drives his large American sedan very slowly in the left lane.

The fact that CBS gives him a chance to vent his frustrations makes the world a more interesting and entertaining place, even if Bible-thumpers and angry American Indians vociferously call for his resignation every now and then.

If Bush doesn’t win the November election in a “blowout,” it seems that Pat Robertson will have put the Lord in a very awkward position. Send Andrew Janik your Rooney-esque diatribes at inscrutable_prolixity@hotmail.com.