The latest round of the Pitt News Blind Date contest finds Cupid ~ and missing the targets

That was the best date I’ve ever been on. I don’t know if I can speak for the winners of… That was the best date I’ve ever been on. I don’t know if I can speak for the winners of “The Pitt News Blind Date Contest,” but I was having the time of my life being a “tail dater.” Spending a Saturday night at Improv, watching the blank stares and awkward laughter among the blind date couple, I ended my evening with new friendships and a story to tell at parties.

My fellow tail dater, “super senior” Matt Ross, accompanied me to watch comedian Bobby Slayton, aka “The Pit Bull of Comedy,” perform; while doing so, we sneaked glances at what we hoped would be the budding of a new romance, and had dinner mixed with laughs. The evening started off absurdly comfortably for the two of us, as we kept our mouths shut and our ears open to hear any lame pick-up lines or jokes either side may have told. We heard neither, but Ross and I got some pointers for if either of us were ever to go on a blind date of our own.

The happy couple was 19-year-old Kathryn Fink and 21-year-old Zac Sloane, both natives of Pittsburgh. When I met with Fink for a pre-date interview, she was relaxed, telling me about her expectations for the event as though she was already on it. Major props to Fink for being a team player: though a freshman, her maturity and sophistication made her seem capable of handling her senior date.

A “single-and-loving-it kind of gal,” Fink is a Virgo, which is already a strike against her and her Aries date. According to their zodiac signs, the couple would go into the date critical and rejecting of each other. But she wasn’t going to let anything about the evening worry her. “I don’t really like to go into things with expectations. I’m open-minded and up for anything,” Fink told me before the date. Glad to hear it, because at least she wouldn’t be let down when her date took off once the show was over.

Hoping for no blond hair-and-blue eyes stereotype, Fink would be happily pleased when Sloane showed up with brown hair and brown eyes. As for Sloane? He was quite fond of Fink’s flowing locks of auburn hair and height. (“She isn’t short, is she?” Sloane asked me, in all seriousness and fearfulness.)

Now, what everyone’s waiting to hear about: the juicy make-out session in Sloane’s car. Would there be one? Considering Fink believed in a kiss on a first date, Sloane may have had a shot if things had been as exciting for them as it was for Ross and I, the spectators. But sorry, Fink, no such luck. Sloane doesn’t believe that there should be any need for moisturizing the lips or pulling out the gum on the first night. Too bad.

The date itself was very comfortable. I think I was nervously sweating more than the couple, but I had nothing to fear. Dinner conversation ran smoothly, at least from what Ross and I observed from our seats behind them. Maybe one eye roll and several fake laughs, but other than that, I had no need to reapply deodorant.

Perhaps Slayton’s material about everything sex and genitals was a little too much for a first date, but the two handled it well. At least it gave them more conversation for the car ride home. Their banter was lively, disagreeing on whether or not Jerry Seinfeld was Canadian.

Being the passive tail daters we were that evening, Ross and I wished for at least a little action among the couple by the date’s conclusion, but we were let down. There wasn’t even a handshake.

Sloane left after the show to make it to the other date he had lined up for the evening – strike two against Fink. Since I, like Sloane, am an independent Aries, Fink did me proud by keeping her composure and thanking Sloane for a “great evening.”

When asked if there would be a second date, Sloane responded, “I doubt it. She was a little too young for me.”

Fink’s backfire? “I’m too young for him? He’s too young for me! I’ve dated 28-year-olds before.”

Conclusion? No wedding bells or even online chatting for these two.