Murder by jitter

Coffee drinkers, watch your impulses more closely. According to the Associated… Murder by jitter

Coffee drinkers, watch your impulses more closely. According to the Associated Press, a Kentucky man charged with killing his wife blames what happened on excessive caffeine intake. Claiming “caffeine intoxication,” the man plans to say excessive amounts of sodas, energy drinks and diet pills rendered him so mentally unstable that he couldn’t have intentionally strangled his wife, the AP reports. And we thought blaming poor test performance on overstimulation was a bad excuse.

Cups of life

The “Emergency Bra” will wow visitors of the MIT Museum in Cambridge, Mass., starting Sept. 28, according to The Independent. Invented by Dr. Elena Bodnar, who won a 2009 Ig Nobel Public Health Prize for her work, the scientifically modified brassiere can not only be used to provide exemplary upper-chest support for women, but also to protect users from airborne particulates. That’s right — each cup serves as a face mask. We’re just glad this bra didn’t hit the market before last year’s G-20 Summit in Pittsburgh.

Don’t scare the T-Rex

Chester County police officials say a man exposed himself to two young girls in a park and proceeded to molest a large plastic dinosaur, according to AOL News. Although the dino-humping comes days after Spanish researchers discovered the humpbacked dinosaur, or Concavenator corcovatus, there is no word yet on whether the two events were related. Regardless, The Pitt News would like to formally request protective custody for Dippy the Dinosaur, the large reptile statue vulnerably positioned outside Carnegie Library.

A bare problem

According to The Independent, traditional nudists in the “naked city” of Cap d’Agde, France, feel the rise of “partner-swapping” clubs threatens to undermine their values. In response, fundamentalist nudist terrorists allegedly performed arson attacks on several sex clubs two years ago. Fortunately for travelers, airport security expects to experience little difficulty identifying at least these kinds of terrorists.