The University of Pittsburgh's Daily Student Newspaper

The Pitt News

The University of Pittsburgh's Daily Student Newspaper

The Pitt News

The University of Pittsburgh's Daily Student Newspaper

The Pitt News

Satire | ‘He slept with my wife’: Students and faculty reflect on April Fools’ Day

Satire | ‘He slept with my wife’: Students and faculty reflect on April Fools’ Day

By Thomas Riley, Opinions Editor April 2, 2024
With finals around the corner, students and staff alike welcomed a little fun with friends to take their minds off the stress of studying and grading. April Fools’ day, a time for japes and goofs with friends, gave the Pitt family a well-deserved break.
Satire | Boomer reacts to college student say they “aren’t sure” what they’re doing after graduation

Satire | Boomer reacts to college student say they “aren’t sure” what they’re doing after graduation

By Anna Fischer, Senior Staff Columnist March 25, 2024
Kids these days just sit on their tushies and complain about tens of thousands of dollars of student loans. I’ll tell you right now, all they have to do is raise a mule from infancy, suckle it themselves, and their school would happily exchange that for a degree, just like mine.
Satire | ‘It’s about progress’: Students find comfort in the increasing lack of green space on campus in favor of construction

Satire | ‘It’s about progress’: Students find comfort in the increasing lack of green space on campus in favor of construction

By Anna Ehlers, Contributing Editor March 19, 2024
Places like the grassy bowl near the Pete and that parklet on Fifth Avenue have already faced their doom in the face of Oakland’s improvement endeavors.
Satire | Humor as a coping mechanism: The solution to everything

Satire | Humor as a coping mechanism: The solution to everything

By Alaina McCall, Staff Columnist February 19, 2024
Jokes are where it’s at, folks. I believe that if you make people laugh, and laugh, as much as you can, 24/7, you will be happy. Or happier, at least.
Satire | Eight ways to spice up your sex life in the 21st century

Satire | Eight ways to spice up your sex life in the 21st century

By Livia Dagget, Contributing Editor February 14, 2024
Are you too exhausted by the horrors of modern life to get frisky in the bedroom? Fear not — these ideas for spicing things up will help you go from existential dread to mind-blowing head.
Satire | Local student devastated to learn of roommate having sex around apartment

Satire | Local student devastated to learn of roommate having sex around apartment

By Anna Ehlers, Contributing Editor February 14, 2024
As winter progresses, the Pitt community settles deep into cuffing season. The evidence is everywhere — couples holding hands walking down Forbes, cuddling up in the William Pitt Union or only vaguely pretending to study together in Hillman.
Satire | Weaponizing incompetence against yourself

Satire | Weaponizing incompetence against yourself

By Alaina McCall, Staff Columnist February 6, 2024
Weaponized incompetence. Every girl in a bad relationship has dealt with this at least every day. But what is it? Ugh, I don’t know, and I don’t know how to look it up.
Satire | Do interns even deserve to be paid in experience?

Satire | Do interns even deserve to be paid in experience?

By Thomas Riley, Opinions Editor January 31, 2024
Food and housing costs aren’t getting any lower, but with the job market growing more competitive than ever, some believe experience may have more monetary value than actual money.
Satire | Time to come OUT and get it, Selena

Satire | Time to come OUT and get it, Selena

By Anna Ehlers, Contributing Editor January 23, 2024
Seeing as much as we do, we as the viewers know celebrities almost better than they know themselves. Our own personal experience informs what we see in them, and thus we can identify our own problems in them.
Satire | Scheduling squalor: Working as a full time student

Satire | Scheduling squalor: Working as a full time student

By Alaina McCall, Staff Columnist January 16, 2024
Friends, hobbies, self and joy. All important aspects of life, maybe more so when you’re a broke college student trying to figure out what kind of person you’re going to be.
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