Two of my friends got married on Ash Wednesday. They took their vows before many witnesses,… Two of my friends got married on Ash Wednesday. They took their vows before many witnesses, kissed (and kissed and kissed), and got the traditional stemware-coffee table book-linens presents.

-Why is this then so remarkable? It’s not because neither wore white – it’s after Labor Day, after all – but because my friends, Becky and Isa, are women, and now, wives.

-First, let me congratulate them. They’re perfect for each other, each fiercely intelligent and funny, and they do what couples should – drive each other toward sanity. The wedding was the best I’ve ever been to. The brides laughed their way to the altar. I wish them years of happiness together.

-I wish I could say that their marriage would be like any other, but unfortunately we live in a country in which marriage is a segregated system, biased against those who don’t conform to the “one man + one woman = true luv!!!” equation.

-And whenever an issue polarizes people, it leaves those who sympathize with the discriminated-against – whites who favored integration, straight people who want legal gay marriage – uncomfortably stuck between both sides, part of the majority, but sympathizing strongly with the minority.

-What then can be done, to ensure Becky, Isa, and all other couples the same rights that I as a (relatively) heterosexual person am granted? I can vote against “protection of marriage” acts, or whatever other bigotry is disguised as bills. I can give money and time to organizations devoted to stopping the President George W. Bush-endorsed, one-man-one-woman Constitutional amendment.

-And I can refuse to participate in a segregated system.

-That is, until Becky and Isa can legally marry, in every state, territory and protectorate belonging to the United States, I will not get married. And I hope that others will join me.

-I find it odd that many people are arguing against gay marriage as if it were a concept like, say, justice or tasty, low-fat cheese. Marriage is not a concept; it’s a bond between two people. To be opposed to gay marriage is to be opposed to people, the creation of families – stable, loving, child-adopting, tax-break-benefiting and medical-care-receiving families. To sum: Being opposed to gay marriage is being opposed to family values. Try to spin that one, Mr. President.

-At their wedding, Becky announced that, if they could afford it, they would go and establish residency in Massachusetts, then get legally married, in Salem, on Halloween. They’ll jump through whatever hoops state and national governments offer, just to make their vows legally binding.

-But they shouldn’t have to move just to get married. They should be able to get married right here, and receive all the benefits that all other young married couples do.

-In light of their hoop jumping, I decided not to buy Becky and Isa matching Harry Potter T-shirts. Instead, I got them an e-mail address ([email protected]), so that others could pledge not to get married until they can.

-It’s important to make marriage about people’s decisions and their interactions with the government and health care providers, nothing more or less.

-And gay marriage isn’t solely a gay issue; it’s a human rights issue. Gay couples are going to live together and raise children, and generally perpetuate all the values that the United States is supposed to espouse – family, love and equality – regardless of what Sen. Rick Santorum, R-Pa., and Bush want.

-So support human rights and drop Becky and Isa an e-mail. And live the changes you want to see in the world, by refusing to take part in a discriminatory system, and informing politicians that you’re onto their game – that when they’re against gay marriage, they’re against family values.

-Just as a side note, I’d like to congratulate another gay couple, Wendell and Cass, who’ve been together for four years and are raising a child together. Avid Columbia University News Service readers will know that Wendell and Cass are not just any gay couple – they’re penguins, proving that, not only are there homosexual non-human animals, but there are also commitment-oriented homosexual non-human animals.

-Cass, Wendell, if you crazy birds ever decide to get married, don’t squabble over who’s going to wear white. After all, you both already own the tuxes.

Drop an e-mail to [email protected] to show your support for Becky and Isa, and pledge not to participate in a segregated system. E-mail Sydney at [email protected].