Grand theft auto: elementary edition
On Wednesday, two car thieves committed quite an elementary crime. The men got inside a car with keys in the ignition and got more than they bargained for when they discovered an eight-year-old boy in the backseat. They wanted to make sure that “baby got back” to school and dropped the boy off at his elementary institution. The mother learned her lesson: don’t leave children unattended in the backseat, unless you’re tired of chauffeuring them around. We hear that cops will charge the thieves with possession of a child with intent to deliver an education.
Scrub-a-dub drugs
A New York man is hoping to wash his hands of his 29 days in a Pennsylvania prison. The man rode shotgun — and veered onto a slippery slope — in a car where the driver had stored handmade soap, which Pennsylvania state troopers first mistook for marijuana and later identified as cocaine after testing. Later testing rubbed away the false allegations and showed the soap was actually just plain soap. The man just wants police to clean his record after the muddied turn of events. He has high soaps of winning a lawsuit against police and a field test manufacturer for damages exceeding $150,000. We’re sure the police meant no harm — they were just trying to clean him of his addiction.
The miracle of life
On Saturday, a speeding driver was no match for the speed of the birth of Courtney Benavidez’s son. The driver was pulled over by Arizona highway trooper Miguel Rincon, but got a pass on a ticket when Benavidez’s incoming child took hold of Rincon’s attention. While Rincon was conducting the traffic stop, Courtney Benavidez’s grandmother pulled up behind the speeding driver and laboriously explained that her daughter was giving birth. Before Rincon could run over, the child sped into life after Benavidez had only been in labor for about an hour and a half. Benavidez named the boy Carter Jett — no, seriously — because of his fast introduction into the world. Carter was born a travelin’ man.
NoPro
What’s better than Vegas? Four minutes of Joseph Griffin’s reaction to Vegas. After his son gave him a GoPro, Griffin used it to GoAmateur as a videographer during his Las Vegas trip. When he returned to Ireland, he became selfie-conscious when he realized that he had been pointing the camera at himself the entire time. As it turns out, what happened in Vegas is really staying in Vegas. In typical dad fashion, Griffin also thought the selfie stick was a backscratcher.
Purrfect companions
Pittsburghers love their pierogies, Steelers and cats. According to Nielsen Scarborough’s “Cat Lady” study, Pittsburgh ranks third when it comes to women who are single and own a cat. We knew the Steel City was a great place to live, but it turns out it’s also the purrfect location for cat ladies. Apparently, our Panthers aren’t the only ones feline fine. Here’s a word of advice: adopt, don’t shop — and adopt, don’t date — to save the kitties from a cat-astrophic life. In some bad mews, dogs are having a ruff time and aren’t quite feeling the love right meow.