Dogging It

On Wednesday morning, police in Florence, Alabama, responded to suspicious packages at the town post office. When X-ray scans of the packages showed odd results, authorities sent a bomb squad robot to investigate. The contents were potentially hazardous to the health of intended victims, but not because of explosive or chemical dangers. The packages contained a shipment of hot dogs wrapped in tin foil. A local bar called The Wildwood Tavern seems to be claiming the mysterious package full of mysterious meat and is relishing the publicity by offering $1 hot dogs for the rest of the day. Amid the hysteria, at least there were some weiners.

Monkey Business

In a case that can only be described as “bananas,” a federal judge in California has ruled that Naruto, a monkey whose accidental selfie from 2011 went viral, cannot own the copyright to it because he is not human. The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals filed a federal lawsuit on Naruto’s behalf last year. U.S. District Judge William Orrick deferred responsibility for setting precedent on non-human copyrights to Congress and President Obama. For the time being, however, this barrel of legal monkeys is closed.

A Butt a Day

With 2015 solidly in the rearview, people around the country are planning for the new year. One Portland man has avoided cliched resolutions like workout plans and traveling, opting instead to draw a picture of a butt once a day, for the entirety of 2016. Charles Vestal will be publishing his cheeky artwork to butts.lol, his newly purchased domain. When the Huffington Post asked why he was taking the project, Vestal responded, “We’re all just butts on this Earth.”

Pining for More

Christmas came late for elephants at a Berlin zoo, who will soon receive a special treat. Leftover pine trees will be sent to the zoo for the elephants to snack on and use as backscratchers. Zookeeper Mario Hammerschmidt has answered everybody’s biggest question, assuring the press that the trees are all pesticide-free.

Februhairy is Coming
Mike Wolfe, an appropriately named man from Nampa, Idaho, recently went public with an art project he has been working on since 2008. Frustrated by traditional hair-removal techniques, Wolfe and his graphic designer friend meet several times every year to shave images into Wolfe’s back hair. The glyphs are generally themed around seasonal festivities, like Halloween. He certainly has his work cut out for him.