Strauss: Internet facilitates anonymous cruelty

By Courtney Strauss

Like the “Saturday Night Live” character Glenda Okones, who created her own political smear… Like the “Saturday Night Live” character Glenda Okones, who created her own political smear campaign to preempt the inevitable trash talk, we anticipate criticisms of our actions before we even complete them. In the words of Taylor Swift, about whom I don’t have anything nice to say so I won’t say anything at all, “Why you gotta be so mean?”

Of course, if we all heeded our mother’s only-say-nice-things mantra, art critics would be out of a job and “Prom Night” would’ve made way more money. We criticize, some say, because we love. For instance, people felt the need to tear apart SNL musical guest Lana Del Rey because they loved music. But while she was a little pitchy and lacked stage presence, some attacks — making fun of her plump lips, for example — were unnecessary.

What I’m concerned with isn’t informed criticism, it’s meanness. Petty name-calling has become more prevalent than ever, partly because we can hide behind computer screens when we attack people and partly because we no longer understand what nice means.

The Internet allows political smears and middle-school bullying to spread on a whole new level. In the political world, nasty online rumors force candidates to take time away from serious discussions to debunk silly rumors. And in schools, cyberbullying continues to engender tragedy (the one-year mark of 15-year-old Phoebe Prince’s suicide is fast approaching). In a 2005 i-SAFE America study that polled students in the fourth through eighth grade, 57 percent reported that someone had said hurtful or angry things to them online.

We most readily associate cyberbullying with preteens and high school students, but it’s also prevalent among adults. In the January issue of “Elle,” a woman using the pseudonym Totally Helpless wrote to the magazine’s advice column and complained that photoshopped pictures of her having sex with animals popped up whenever she Googled her name. She suspects a woman at a rival firm created the pictures after losing an account to her, but she has no way of knowing. The anonymity the Internet affords allows us to unleash that mean streak we harbor inside us without having to assign our names to the dirty deed.

As we grow older, cyberbullying will only become fancier and the consequences more severe. Consider what we already do: Many of us end relationships by defriending someone on Facebook. This can be a real day-ruiner when you hope a pal at odds with you will listen to the slew of your apology voicemails and finally agree to meet you at Starbucks for reconciliation over lattes.

Remedying our recent meanness epidemic, however, might be harder than tamping down on cyberbullying, given that the word “nice” has attained a dubious connotation. Some studies, for instance, demonstrate that when women are viewed as nice, people like them better, but the nice women are considered less effective in the workplace. When they’re considered more effective but not as nice, however, they experience more career roadblocks.

“There is a problem of perception here,” Huffington Post columnist Birute Regine said. “And the biases we bring to the word ‘nice,’ such as being compliant and eager to please.” Being nice entails much more than this stereotype. Regine uses the analogy of a dancer: Talented dancers make their performances look easy, when, in fact, they require immense skill and training. We take for granted the skill needed to make things nice.

Whether someone chooses to hide behind technology in order to avoid an uncomfortable situation or scour the cyber-ether dealing out anonymous low blows, meanness should be resisted at all costs. If you’re guilty of one of the aforementioned charges, you’re only hurting yourself. Your body would be much better off if you released serotonin and endorphins by making the world a little nicer. Remember, we’re all human beings with feelings.

Contact Courtney at [email protected]