When it comes to convenient snacks, nachos are hard to top.

I’ve been making nachos since I… When it comes to convenient snacks, nachos are hard to top.

I’ve been making nachos since I was old enough to reach the microwave. The meal is a perfect combination of tastes that can be catered to satisfy just about any food craving — other than chocolate, of course. You can make a huge complex platter to share with friends or simply melt some cheese on chips when you’re half asleep and there’s a paper due the next day.

The snack is not, however, merely an invention of lazy college students — or in my case, small children left unattended in the kitchen. Not only is there an International Day of the Nacho on Oct. 21, but an entire International Nacho Festival at Piedras Negras, Mexico, from Oct. 13-15. Clearly, nachos are a big deal.

But as with so many things in life, complications might arise. You might be faced with problems and decisions that are more than you care to handle mid-snack preparation. Thus, I have stepped up to my responsibilities as The Pitt News food columnist and, after weeks of feverish labor, am pleased to present you with the Official Nachos Troubleshooting Guide — copyright pending.

Problem: Combining Nacho Toppings

Solution: Just about anything one would sensibly put on a nacho goes with any other appropriate nacho topping. Black beans, chili con carne, ground beef, chicken, carne asada, guacamole, sour cream, pico de gallo, salsa, onions, olives … virtually none of these will clash unfavorably with one another. Nachos are not unlike stir-fry in this regard: You can basically pile on just about whatever is in the fridge and call it a day.

Problem: No Guacamole

Solution: Make your own — it isn’t that tricky. Peel and pit a ripe avocado and mash it with a fork. Add half of a minced onion to your liking — most recipes call for red onion, but really any variety will do — a tablespoon of garlic, a dash of fresh lime or lemon juice and a sprinkle of coarse salt and ground black pepper. I despise cilantro and believe it ruins any dish — I’m looking at you, Chipotle — but I am willing to concede that some people might appreciate it. If you’re one of them, add some chopped fresh leaves.

Problem: Crumbled Chips

Solution: Maybe you’re down to the bottom of the bag, or maybe your chips were inadvertently pulverized in some unfortunate grocery accident. There’s little you can do to craft a finger-food friendly snack when you aren’t working with full chips, but that’s no reason to go hungry. With the proper application of a bowl and a fork, the exact same combination of ingredients you would use for nachos can become a sort of salad-esque dish.

Problem: You’re vegetarian/vegan/gluten-free

Solution: Most corn chips should be gluten-free, though of course double-check the ingredients list if this is a health concern. Vegetarians, simply leave off any toppings that used to be alive and have faces or consider substituting them with wheat gluten. I would argue that the one absolutely essential ingredient of nachos other than tortilla chips is cheese, but that’s not to say it can’t be dairy-free cheese. Just make sure you’ve chosen a cheese substitute that melts nicely — not all such products do.

Problem: That Mess of Dairy and Carbohydrates In No Way Constitutes a Meal

Solution: Salsa might have high percentages of sodium and other undesirable traits from a health-conscious perspective, but it does certainly contain vegetables, constituting at least one of your recommended five-a-day servings. It isn’t hard to to give nachos some protein, either: Just add some ground beef, slices of chicken or even hot dogs, which are especially great because the entire enterprise can be prepared using only a microwave. Your resulting creation is now moderately more nutritious — or at least more filling, which could feasibly prevent further snacking. Ta-da.

Problem: No Mexican-style Cheese

Solution: You’re being ridiculous. All cheese is appropriate for nachos. Well, perhaps feta or gorgonzola might be weird, but any cheese that can be grated and melted will likely do just fine.