Tuesday, March 30

-1:23 p.m. — Police cited A. Squirrel, of the William Pitt Union, for… Tuesday, March 30

-1:23 p.m. — Police cited A. Squirrel, of the William Pitt Union, for indecent exposure and malicious conduct.

-5:58 p.m. — A student in Tower B called to report that his roommate was thinking mean thoughts about him. The roommate denied ever thinking about his roommate. An investigation is pending.

-11:32 p.m. — Officers cited 109 freshmen for underage drinking on Chesterfield Street.

Wednesday, March 31

-1:19 a.m. — Police responded to a report that a student on the corner of Forbes Avenue and Bigelow Boulevard was attempting to sell his soul for two 40-oz. containers of Olde English 800 and a copy of Kafka’s “The Metamorphosis.” The officers located the student and advised him to hold out for a case of Yuengling.

-12:12 p.m. — A student called to report that she had lost a pair of shoes seven years earlier, when she was still living in Des Moines, Iowa. Officers advised her to call local authorities.

-6:49 p.m. — A person called to complain that her child only called her twice a week, and had not been home to visit since spring break. The caller requested that the police check up to make sure that she was eating her vegetables, avoiding boys and getting at least eight hours of sleep every night. An investigation is pending.

Thursday, April 1

-1:38 a.m. — Four thirty-four William Pitt Union, of the fourth floor of the William Pitt Union, was cited for public drunkenness.

-2:21 a.m. — Officers in Towers Lobby cited Tower A for underage drinking and disorderly conduct.

-4:18 p.m. — A student in Lothrop Hall reported that Jaron Brown, of Pittsburgh, had 65 steals during the men’s basketball regular season. Police cited Brown for grand theft basketball. An investigation is pending.

-9:45 p.m. — Police responded to complaints of loud noise, shouting and breaking glass, coming from the sixth floor of the William Pitt Union. Nine students were cited for destruction of their Druid property.