1. Dialing 412

Seriously, this is starting to piss me off.

2. The Poets of… 1. Dialing 412

Seriously, this is starting to piss me off.

2. The Poets of Rhythm’s Discern/Define

Making up for decades of unfunky Germans.

3. Club IG

I don’t think anyone saw this one coming.

4. The return of “The Family Guy”

Not as hilarious when viewed with parents. Trust me.

5. John Cusack and Julia Roberts in cheesy movie

We’d much rather see Joan Cusack and Eric Roberts.

6. Increasing amount of workdays missed due to phantom illnesses

Like having snow days in summer!

7. “Six Feet Under”

Yes, it is better than “The Sopranos” and “Sex in the City.”

8. People who wear visors

Heh, it looks good on you, though.

9. Speculation that Moby has cloned himself to maintain ubiquity

Fingers crossed that P. Diddy doesn’t get any ideas.

10. “Bridget Jones’s Diary”

Are all women this insane, or just British ones?

11. Lengthy treks to locate cheap gas

Put it in neutral when going down hills!

12. Yo-yos

Yes, they are as nerdy as ever, but so much fun when “healthy” enough to go to work.

13. Recent explosions of anti-smoking ad campaigns

Angry smokers are wheezing complaints all over the country.

14. Return of “Monopoly” at McDonald’s

Almost a reason to consume that crap.

15. Paul Reubens as game show host

He’s going to flop without Cowboy Curtis and Chairy to carry him.

16. Drew Carey on “Dennis Miller” this week

Are celebrities supposed to talk that much about porn?

17. Tom Cruise and Penelope Cruz

It’s amazing how little I actually care. Really.

18. Slew of disappointing summer “blockbusters”

Clearly the reason for fluctuating gas prices.

19. Ananda Lewis’ Pepsi commercials

Carson Daly must be too busy in those chatrooms.

20. That upcoming show on Fox about college

Yet another yardstick against which to measure your apparently dreary life.

21. Pretending to be Carson Daly in a chat room

Amazing how many people believe you without hesitation.

Cotton Coslett has had a great time writing this column from its beginning. He also would like to think that some of you actually read it. Drop him a line at [email protected], while he still has an address at Pitt.