Cops: “Sesame Street”

A street performer dressed as Elmo from “Sesame Street” was arrested Tuesday night in Times Square in New York City. Elmo, or the human in the costume, Rosa Sanchez, was arrested for aggressive solicitation after demanding cash from 10 tourists after taking a photo with them. Unfortunately for Elmo, the tourists were actually plainclothes police officers and Elmo was promptly arrested. Officers reportedly subdued her, not with Tasers, but with tickling. 

 In pasta we trust

In Oklahoma, a woman had her license picture taken with her religious headwear without any controversy. Yes, in a victory for religious freedom, Shawna Hammond was allowed to wear a spaghetti strainer on her head for the picture. She’s a Pastafarian, or a member of The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Needless to say, the saucy deity smiled upon the DMV — and America — that day.

 The surgery went ‘swimmingly’

A goldfish named George underwent surgery last week to remove a life-threatening tumor from his head. The $200 procedure went “swimmingly” according to the fish’s Facebook page. George, 10, is recovering well and is expected to avoid being flushed down the toilet for at least a couple more years. 

 Monkeying around

Police in Philadelphia have reported that a man used a banana to rob a convenience store on Wednesday. Placing the fruit under his shirt to simulate a gun, the thief successfully forced the cashier to hand over an undisclosed amount of cash and some cigarettes. The surveillance video then showed the suspect peeling away from the scene on his bicycle.

Baby, come back

Penn Township have arrested a man for calling 911 three times and making false complaints. Gregory Shaffer, 52, claimed he injured himself multiple times, but the reports turned out to be untrue. In reality, Shaffer made the calls because he was lonely and wanted to talk to paramedics. As it turns out, 911 really is the loneliest number.