Give him some sugar

According to an article in Time Magazine, a man in West Haven, Conn., attempted to rob a Dunkin’ Donuts drive-thru after asking for change for a $100 bill. Angelica, the drive-thru employee, tried to close the service window, but the man put his arm through to hold it open while he tried to climb in. The employee threw a pot of hot coffee at the man and then reportedly yelled, “Go run on Dunkin,” as he ran away. We hope he got some ice for that burn.

Seeing double

According to an article from NBC New York, a woman in Colorado was arrested when she tried to use an ID that actually belonged to the waitress serving her. Brianna Priddy, the owner of the driver’s license, said that her wallet had been stolen several weeks beforehand, and someone had been writing bad checks in her name. Priddy said she acted nonchalantly when handed her own ID but later called the police. The woman who tried to use the stolen ID was arrested, and illegal narcotics were also found in her possession. She was charged with theft, identity theft and criminal impersonation. This situation could have turned out differently if the disappointed diner had pretended to be the waitress’s long-lost identical twin sister.

Obesity epidemic

According to an article from Reuters, in Hanoi, Vietnam, short, obese or rude police officers will be reassigned to desk jobs to try to improve the police force’s image. Recently, there have been complaints about the police officers, detailing alleged acts including abusive behavior and corruption. Teams of inspectors have been sent out to monitor the police officers and determine which ones would be better suited to indoor work. Looks like the reassigned police officers will have to eat their donuts inside.

Well-endowed

According to an article in the Huffington Post, a man in Medford, Mass., tried to steal two cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon by shoving them down his pants. An employee followed him out of the store and questioned him about the bulge in his trousers, to which he replied by claiming it was his genitals. By this point, the protrusion was around his ankle. When the employee pointed this out, the man threw one of the cans of beer at her head and tried to run away. Police soon caught up to him. Clearly, this thief didn’t know that it’s only $10 for a 12-pack of PBR pounders at Mellinger’s.

My Super Sweet Sixteen

According to an article from Reuters, a woman from upstate New York was charged with child endangerment when she hired strippers for her son’s 16th birthday party. Parents of the other teenagers in attendance at the party found out about what occurred and called the police when they saw photos of the dancers with the teenagers on Facebook. The mother, Judy Viger, pleaded not guilty to five counts of endangering a child. No 16-year-old is ever going to be happy with a party at a bowling alley ever again.