Cuddling criminal

A man named Ryan William Waterman was arrested for cuddling a wild manatee calf in a Florida park, Reuters reported Wednesday. A tipster alerted the Florida Wildlife Commission after the informant saw Facebook photos of Waterman holding the manatee out of the water and hugging it. There were also pictures of his young daughters touching and sitting on the animal. The Florida Manatee Sanctuary Act makes it illegal to harm, harass or disturb manatees, and the wildlife commission claims Waterman’s actions could have caused the young animal severe distress. Hopefully web-surfing authorities will crack down next on the countless pet owners shamelessly exploiting their cats, dogs and porcupines for YouTube fame.

Are you afraid of the dark?

Police in Brockton, Mass., say that a 10-year-old boy called 911 because he didn’t want to go to bed, according to the Houston Chronicle. Right after 8 p.m. Wednesday night, the boy made the emergency call and told the dispatcher that he was reporting his mother. An officer went to the boy’s home and explained to him that it wasn’t an appropriate situation in which to call 911, and the article clarifies that there was no emergency at the home. Hopefully, next time police will use the opportunity to do a seriously underperformed security check: the search for monsters under the bed.

A no-good, very Boring and Dull Day

According to an article in the Houston Chronicle, the rural communities of Dull, Scotland and Boring, Ore., have joined together to commemorate their commonplace names and build cultural and commercial connections with one another. Oregon lawmakers have moved to make Aug. 9 Boring and Dull Day in the state to recognize these towns and ultimately, boost their tourism industries. College students of Pittsburgh, let’s unite to make a similar day of recognition around the awkwardly named Pennsylvania towns of Intercourse and Blue Ball.

$5 deposit required (for dudes only?)

In last Monday’s edition of The Pitt News, Pitt Program Council ran an ad for a wine-tasting night, which will take place on March 5. According to the ad, students (who are over 21 years of age and have a valid Pitt undergraduate ID) can sample six different wines with bread, cheese and fruit. In the fine print, the ad says that students attending the event must go to an alcohol awareness presentation before tasting any wine. Responsible consumption of alcohol is certainly a serious matter. However, to ensure maximum safety, we suggest that the PPC also hold gluten- and lactose-allergy awareness presentations prior to allowing students to sample the event’s bread and cheese.