The state of the Canadian political system

Tuxedo Stan, a cat, is currently…The state of the Canadian political system

Tuxedo Stan, a cat, is currently a mayoral candidate in Halifax, Nova Scotia. The cat is running on the Tuxedo Party platform, which seeks to raise awareness for stray cats in Halifax. Unfortunately, there are two problems with the Tuxedo Stan for Mayor campaign. First, the city’s laws ban animals from being elected to office. Second, cat ladies, the demographic most likely to support Tuxedo Stan, don’t leave the house frequently enough to vote.

Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone

In Seattle, a convicted sex offender was caught with his pants down in a park while allegedly flashing a 23-year-old woman. The alleged offender later told police that he was getting “some sun.” This man seems to have forgotten that there’s a reason for the expression “where the sun don’t shine.”

We thought you were supposed to run away and join the circus …

In Copenhagen, Denmark, two elephants left a circus and walked down a thoroughfare packed with rush-hour traffic. The elephants traveled, trunk-in-tail, along the street for 200 meters before their trainers caught up with them. Bystanders would have raised the alarm earlier, but no one wanted to talk about the elephant that wasn’t in the room.

Just adorable

On a farm in Devon, England, an English springer spaniel has been taught to hold a bottle in its mouth to feed orphaned lambs. The owner said that she taught the dog, Jess, to hold a bottle in her mouth when she was a puppy, and she has been caring for sheep ever since. Jess has also learned to carry buckets of animal feed and farm equipment to their proper places. Unfortunately, they have not yet found a dog that can fetch pizzas and laptops on demand.

Identity Crisis

A British woman named Alison Whelan boarded a ferry in Devon, England, last September right before calling emergency services because she thought she was having a seizure. When an ambulance arrived, she grew violent and untied the boat, letting it drift for a mile before crashing. While drifting away, she yelled to police, “I’m a pirate,” and, “I’m Jack Sparrow.” The BBC reported that she was not only drunk, but also high on deadly nightshade, a poisonous hallucinogenic. Yo ho ho and … well, at least it wasn’t bath salts.