Aggressive Campaigning

Most politicians would agree that arresting your… Aggressive Campaigning

Most politicians would agree that arresting your constituents won’t improve your chances of re-election. But after an Oklahoma sheriff charged a 65-year-old man with marijuana possession while campaigning door-to-door, the suspect pledged to repay his kindness with a vote. Although it’s heartening to discover an alleged pot smoker who respects law enforcement, we doubt this sheriff could remain similarly vigilant in other regions: If he’d canvassed, say, a Detroit neighborhood, it would’ve taken him an entire day to travel a single street.

Not-So-Easy Listening

British radio station Jazz FM may have attracted a whole new audience Saturday after it inadvertently broadcast several minutes of audio from a gay porn film, The Guardian reports. The station — which ordinarily airs smooth jazz and old-fashioned standards — issued an official apology two days later, attributing the disturbance to “unauthorized access.” Although we wish the managers the best of luck in reclaiming their dignity, we’re surprised enough people listened to smooth jazz to even notice the interruption.

Can I Have a Coke With That?

Earlier this month, Shippensburg University attracted some national attention — and more than a little ridicule — when it introduced a Plan B vending machine in its student health center. Although we applaud the ingenuity of this idea, we propose combining the machine with a Pepsi or Coca-Cola dispenser. If nothing else, students will need something to wash the pill down.

Going Out With a Bang

Proving once and for all that life after retirement can still be exciting, the staff at a southeast Michigan nursing home discovered an unloaded gun inside its donated piano, according to the Associated Press. Although playing the instrument might endanger your health, we think the weapon could add a whole new dimension to the finales of certain songs — Pyotr Tchaikovsky’s “1812 Overture,” for example.

Ash and Dash

Busy Christians, rest assured: Cincinnati’s Mt. Healthy United Methodist Church can accommodate even your fast-paced lifestyle. According to the Associated Press, the Church recently introduced a drive-through Ash Wednesday service, featuring a pastor who dispenses the customary blessing in the establishment’s parking lot. Although traditionalists may protest that this arrangement trivializes a longstanding ceremony, we urge our readers to look on the bright side: At least they weren’t offering drive-through communion.