Top Dog

In Sweden, apparently a dog isn’t merely man’s best friend —… Top Dog

In Sweden, apparently a dog isn’t merely man’s best friend — it’s his co-worker. According to Swedish newspaper The Local, a transport company boss allowed his pet hound to urinate and defecate in the staff room, where employees often eat. Although we’re not necessarily opposed to animal-friendly workplaces, we urge him to follow the example of American CEOs: Eliminate the canine middleman and s**t directly on your subordinates.

Why the Long Face?

Before you complain about the minor injuries you sustained during high school sports, Google the name “Choc Thornton.” According to The Telegraph, the Gloucestershire-based jockey recently suffered his 367th career fall, making him perhaps the most accident-prone man in British horse racing. Although we admire his stamina, we think he took the expression “when you fall off a horse, get right back in the saddle” a bit too seriously.

Teabagging

A man referred to in British newspapers as “the naked rambler” attracted more than the usual polite greeting when he wandered through a Leeds park wearing nothing but a backpack, boots and a baseball cap. Contrary to what you might expect, only one onlooker — a solitary dog walker — reacted negatively. Although we suspect her “disgusted frown” more than counterbalanced the rambler’s overall positive reception, her pet remains confused as to why he was arrested in the first place.

Road to Perdition

A 59-year-old fugitive discovered perhaps the most efficient route back to prison when he ran out of gas in Evanston, Wyo., and called the local sheriff’s office for assistance, according to the Associated Press. Although some might be tempted to label this man an idiot, we urge them to put themselves in his position — when forced to choose between rural Wyoming and jail, most of us would pick the latter.

Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Las Vegas’ infamous Heart Attack Grill finally lived up to its reputation when a customer suffered what appeared to be a genuine medical emergency while eating a “Triple Bypass Burger,” according to the Associated Press. While you won’t catch us visiting that restaurant chain anytime soon, we think there’s something downright comforting about a product that works exactly as advertised.