Lockdown luxury

Police discovered more than dirty magazines when they… Lockdown luxury

Police discovered more than dirty magazines when they searched an Acapulco prison Tuesday — namely, two peacocks, 100 fighting cocks, 19 prostitutes, 100 plasma TVs and two sacks of marijuana, MSNBC reports. Although the incident might have embarrassed the warden, we think it’s a ready-made advertisement for Mexico’s ailing tourism industry: Even if you get jailed in Acapulco, you’re going to have a good time.

Cutting off the nose to spite the face

Poll workers should be passionate about their jobs, but one Election Day rover might have crossed the line when he grabbed a Cleveland voter by the neck, head-butted him and tried to bite off his nose, according to NewsChannel 5. Although we usually condemn coarse political tactics, we think Boards of Elections should consider hiring more similarly inclined staff members — old WWE wrestlers, for example.

Domestic terrorism

Bosses everywhere, take note: Before you assign one of your workers to the night shift, make sure he’s single. According to MSNBC, a Florida housewife called Port Authority police to demand that her husband’s work schedule be changed. When the dispatcher couldn’t comply, the woman allegedly responded, “OK, I blow up, I blow up 10 planes.” Civic-minded as we are, we’re glad the police didn’t intervene on her behalf — after all, what would have happened when she decided her husband needed a raise?

Dramatic movement

Nigerian comic actor Babatunde Omidina had to use more than wit to win over his county’s National Drug Law Enforcement Agency. Suspecting the actor of drug smuggling, the agency detained Omidina until 25 bowel movements betrayed no trace of illicit substances — an ordeal that lasted 24 days, according to Agence France-Presse. Although we’re glad he’s been released, we’re dismayed it took so long: If authorities had installed a college cafeteria in the detention center, he’d have been out in a few hours.

Call of Duty: Revenge of the Nerds

As if we needed more proof that violence levels would increase without video games: This Tuesday, Lomorin Sar of Aurora, Colo., threatened to blow up an electronics store when he discovered it didn’t have his pre-ordered copy of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3, according to The Denver Post. Although Sar later insisted he hadn’t been serious, we’re concerned that al-Qaida members could exploit similarly disgruntled gamers — camping outside out-of-stock retailers could work wonders for recruitment.