One dope treat

Ben and Jerry might be high-jacking the ice cream business in the near future with their next greatest high-dea, according to a TIME Magazine article this week. Jerry Greenfield told The Huffington Post that pot-infused ice cream makes sense. “Ben and I have had previous experiences with substances,” he said. The stakes are high — the two need to outdo their original Half Baked flavor. Whether they add THC to the existing flavor or create a new one, other ice cream companies will be green with envy.

Pillow talk

Japanese inventor Koichi Uchimura is taking body pillows to the next level — life in plastic might be fantastic, but life in cotton is far from rotten. While body pillows make for comfortable sleep aids, they aren’t the smoothest talkers. To solve this, Uchimura created “Ita-Supo,” a talking pillow that responds to a user’s touch. The pillow is designed with the face and torso of a blond female anime character. If you touch certain parts of the pillow, the girl playfully responds. Go for the nether regions, and she scolds, “Not there!” She’s not a cheap date, though — the “Ita-Supo” pillow costs about $167. The benefit? At least you don’t have to wine and dine her, and you’re already in bed. 

Thumb war

A UFC fight this week was a real knuckle-biter for New Mexico resident Manuel Aragon. While sitting down to watch the fight with his family, Aragon took a few hits on his career. After the family made fun of him, Aragon was so angry that he decided to go UFC on them. In the brawl, he bit off Rey Gutierrez’s right index fingertip. Gutierrez said he’d UF-see Aragon in court.

Over-the-top tentacle

How many octopi does it take to escape from a Seattle zoo exhibit? It turns out, just about one-eighth. Earlier this week, the restless sea creature was caught on film scaling the sides of his tank. Nearing the top, the octopus managed to get two or three tentacles over the edge, attempting to hoist itself out. Children screamed in the background of the video, fearing the mollusk put a few tentacles out of bounds. They were in fear for good reason ­— the octopus nearly eight the kids.

Fa-Jesus

This week, a New Jersey appellate court really burned a man. The court told Hiram Jimenez that he could not seek damages for a burn he received at an Applebee’s. Jimenez had been praying, his face bowed over a hot fajita, when the steam burned his face. Jimenez claimed that his waitress didn’t warn him the food was hot. The court said the threat was obvious. He’d better keep crossing his fingers for a miracle to get compensation for this burn. It’s like the Applebee’s employee said ­— if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the restaurant.