Gunning for the Best Candy

This Halloween, the “felon” costume came in… Gunning for the Best Candy

This Halloween, the “felon” costume came in extra-small. According to The Augusta Chronicle, in Aiken, S.C., a 10-year-old trick-or-treater pulled a handgun on a woman whoa joked about stealing his candy. Although we can only imagine the talking-to that ensued, one thing’s certain: The person who coined the expression “like taking candy from a baby” never met this child.

A Heated Competition

Pizza rivalries can sometimes grow pretty fierce, but they’ve never come to a head like they did in Lake City, Fla., where, according to ABC News, a Domino’s manager burned down a nearby Papa John’s. Although owners of the latter restaurant are doubtlessly incensed, we hope they take consolation in knowing they’ve validated the “better ingredients, better pizza” slogan: Every menu item at their branch is now brick-oven roasted.

Hitching a Ride to the Big Leagues

Jocks on the West Coast can finally rest easy. The “Piggyback Bandit,” notorious in Oregon and Washington for leaping on the backs of high school athletes, was finally apprehended in Montana, according to Helena-based newspaper The Independent Record. Although we’re glad the acrobatic assailant won’t traumatize any more aspiring NCAA stars, we’d nonetheless welcome him to campus. Pitt’s football team, after all, needs as many men on the field as possible.

Arm Boleyn

Although the French Revolution was hardly a resounding success, its most infamous tradition is apparently still en vogue. According to The Seattle Times, a Washington man admitted himself to a hospital after deliberately severing his arm with a homemade guillotine. Before doctors reattach the limb, we hope they consider the benefits of leaving it separated. At the very least, it would make an excellent decoration for next year’s Halloween.